About B4m1337 : I'm a gaming nerd and a biker ^~^ Feel free to message me on Kik! It's B4m1337
B4m1337's FML badges
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
B4m1337's favorite FMLs
by loveyouson / 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 8:06am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
by embarassedmuch / 10/30/2012 at 12:05am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML
by AFEmoWifey / 10/09/2012 at 6:21am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML
by dafuqdidihear / 08/11/2012 at 2:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML
by sy123 / 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health
Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
by emoflowers / 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by jjs51 / 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Transportation
by skinny dipper / 10/20/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML
by tommyboy783 / 10/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
- Today, My sister tells us her boyfriend off and on since high school decide he wants to live out of… Today, I was talking about my mom about gay marriage. She told me that she always suspected me to… Today, while trying to hook up with the girl I extremely liked, she confessed she was lesbian. This…