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AssTard

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AssTard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 June 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 509
  • Number of comments : 170
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About AssTard : Welcome to my profile. Enjoy your stay. You'll usually find me making a sarcastic remark to a buried comment. I do that because then they'll probally think twice before posting a shitty comment again in fear that I'll return again >:D. Basically, I try to rid this site of bad users and comments through passive-aggressive text. Is it working? Haha, I suspected not... Almost all of my comments are a joke/sarcastic. Don't like my comment/joke/or didn't understand it? Thumb me down and move on, it's not a big deal. Don't argue with me over one of my comments either; I don't give a single fuck about your opinion on my comment. Unless you're just trolling me, I find trolls to be funny, even if I'm the one being trolled. And my favorite regulars on here are: Perdix, PenguinBitch, Pleonasm, NoorFML, and DocBastard once in a blue moon. Message me if you want to talk to me or just joke around. :D

AssTard's page activity

Visits<b>shayle1233</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 7:58pm<b>itsrainingcake</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 2:28am<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 7:43am<b>curticus</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 2:26pm<b>adamjcurryy</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 7:48am<b>dodo116</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 2:21am<b>koolkool994</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 2:00am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 4:05am<b>CynicallyAlive</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 4:55pm<b>BWolf7</b> - the 03/14/2014 at 1:30am<b>mcdekree</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 8:37pm<b>NotAPrincess</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 10:18pm<b>MandyCat484</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 12:57pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 11/13/2013 at 11:11am<b>adrianramz69</b> - the 10/30/2013 at 7:20pm<b>Narttu</b> - the 10/30/2013 at 1:18pm<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/24/2013 at 11:26pm<b>steal_this</b> - the 10/05/2013 at 10:36am

AssTard's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of AssTard's badges

AssTard's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

#20813928
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29413) - you deserved it (42698)

On 07/31/2013 at 6:49pm - misc - by psychic parents, how do they work? :( (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

#20567905
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39864) - you deserved it (5176)

On 03/31/2013 at 3:00am - misc - by Mr.no contacts (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

#20564455
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39585) - you deserved it (16923)

On 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79679) - you deserved it (8236)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40973) - you deserved it (5315)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML

#20554899
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29368) - you deserved it (2399)

On 03/22/2013 at 11:01am - work - by stankness - United States

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48997) - you deserved it (11617)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

#20552149
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40974) - you deserved it (5736)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

#20552081
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27806) - you deserved it (8009)

On 03/20/2013 at 10:31am - work - by missedfistbump - United States

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

#20550992
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35968) - you deserved it (4225)

On 03/19/2013 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29393) - you deserved it (3193)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States



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