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About AssTard : Welcome to my profile. Enjoy your stay. You'll usually find me making a sarcastic remark to a buried comment. I do that because then they'll probally think twice before posting a shitty comment again in fear that I'll return again >:D. Basically, I try to rid this site of bad users and comments through passive-aggressive text. Is it working? Haha, I suspected not... Almost all of my comments are a joke/sarcastic. Don't like my comment/joke/or didn't understand it? Thumb me down and move on, it's not a big deal. Don't argue with me over one of my comments either; I don't give a single fuck about your opinion on my comment. Unless you're just trolling me, I find trolls to be funny, even if I'm the one being trolled. And my favorite regulars on here are: Perdix, PenguinBitch, Pleonasm, NoorFML, and DocBastard once in a blue moon. Message me if you want to talk to me or just joke around. :D
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I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML
Friday 5 February 2016