About AndyAutopsy : My name is Andy. I am aware that it is a strange name for a girl. I enjoy the comments of perdix, NoorFML, DocBastard, and many other people. I'm just too lazy to type the rest of them out. I am somewhat of a grammar nazi, and if I see that you have made a grammatical error, I will call you out on it. That is all.
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Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16387) - you deserved it (6379)
On 07/14/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by Boo (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34353) - you deserved it (2747)
On 06/28/2011 at 2:39am - intimacy - by girlshavepenises (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13525) - you deserved it (58384)
On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15755) - you deserved it (24225)
On 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm - misc - by why me -
Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10665) - you deserved it (22284)
On 05/21/2011 at 5:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark
Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26882) - you deserved it (2089)
On 05/19/2011 at 12:27am - misc - by John -
Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (11168) - you deserved it (32265)
On 05/10/2011 at 6:48am - misc - by Kyle (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (11168) - you deserved it (32265)
On 05/10/2011 at 6:48am - misc - by Kyle (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10619) - you deserved it (16005)
On 04/20/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by JenniWearsPrada -
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28680) - you deserved it (34819)
On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14055) - you deserved it (64617)
On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30735) - you deserved it (9863)
On 03/05/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by insomnitude (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10260) - you deserved it (25892)
On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5536) - you deserved it (83537)
Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40053) - you deserved it (7605)
On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Friday 24 May 2013
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