About AndyAutopsy : My name is Andy. I am aware that it is a strange name for a girl. I enjoy the comments of perdix, NoorFML, DocBastard, and many other people. I'm just too lazy to type the rest of them out. I am somewhat of a grammar nazi, and if I see that you have made a grammatical error, I will call you out on it. That is all.
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Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7625) - you deserved it (28328)
On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14149) - you deserved it (5562)
On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18907) - you deserved it (1237)
On 05/18/2012 at 10:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17053) - you deserved it (4367)
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8437) - you deserved it (21822)
On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States
Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (15492) - you deserved it (3162)
On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19976) - you deserved it (2119)
On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21730) - you deserved it (3610)
On 04/23/2012 at 12:04am - love - by gottalovefriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15786) - you deserved it (2819)
On 04/10/2012 at 6:48am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16312) - you deserved it (1788)
On 04/02/2012 at 9:37am - misc - by Deadman (man) - United States
Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8319) - you deserved it (10590)
On 03/18/2012 at 3:18pm - love - by Jacklyn - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11328) - you deserved it (4238)
On 03/06/2012 at 2:20am - misc - by BlueBirdWings (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19695) - you deserved it (5983)
On 02/21/2012 at 10:33am - health - by mary (woman) - Australia
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28567) - you deserved it (1919)
On 02/14/2012 at 9:29am - love - by Illinoisgirl - Hungary (Budapest)
Monday 20 May 2013
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