About AndyAutopsy : My name is Andy. I am aware that it is a strange name for a girl. I enjoy the comments of perdix, NoorFML, DocBastard, and many other people. I'm just too lazy to type the rest of them out. I am somewhat of a grammar nazi, and if I see that you have made a grammatical error, I will call you out on it. That is all.
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Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38583) - you deserved it (2235)
On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)
Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5411) - you deserved it (47240)
On 11/27/2009 at 9:26am - misc - by forgotmyownbirthday (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6835) - you deserved it (23939)
On 11/14/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20035) - you deserved it (4085)
On 11/09/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Tee (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25501) - you deserved it (3173)
On 11/07/2009 at 3:12am - health - by chairlee (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27052) - you deserved it (5577)
On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27052) - you deserved it (5577)
On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, for my 2 year anniversary, I bought my girlfriend a beautiful $400 necklace. She bought me a pink $5 shirt of Elton John riding a piano through space. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29055) - you deserved it (5137)
On 10/20/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by lame (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh... Thats actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23728) - you deserved it (6064)
On 10/17/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by oopsjsp90 (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I noticed a dent in the passenger door of my car. At first I blamed it on the door of another car. Then I remembered that my last passenger hadn't shut the door all the way, and I insisted on "showing him how it's done" by hip-checking the door shut. The dent perfectly fits my butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3819) - you deserved it (27490)
On 10/15/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by onei8785 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47266) - you deserved it (23988)
On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by oxjessiiox (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6418) - you deserved it (36587)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4157) - you deserved it (18661)
On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46201) - you deserved it (2168)
On 09/16/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by dj163 (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I came home from a business trip, I walked in to the house to find my husband nowhere to be seen. I called out his name and he came round the corner saying "Coming baby." When he came through the door he said "Oh it's you..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47176) - you deserved it (2005)
On 08/30/2009 at 3:22am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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