About AndyAutopsy : My name is Andy. I am aware that it is a strange name for a girl. I enjoy the comments of perdix, NoorFML, DocBastard, and many other people. I'm just too lazy to type the rest of them out. I am somewhat of a grammar nazi, and if I see that you have made a grammatical error, I will call you out on it. That is all.
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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37402) - you deserved it (6430)
On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18894) - you deserved it (2166)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Waterford)
Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9457) - you deserved it (19002)
On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13818) - you deserved it (3093)
On 11/28/2012 at 12:15am - misc - by FUSheldon (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20335) - you deserved it (3718)
On 11/16/2012 at 8:06pm - work - by wow @ creepy fuckers (man) - United States
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13958) - you deserved it (4413)
On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14012) - you deserved it (1010)
On 11/04/2012 at 7:02pm - work - by CircusSea (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13506) - you deserved it (2414)
On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)
Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14682) - you deserved it (2191)
On 10/28/2012 at 8:29am - work - by radioinvader (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4142) - you deserved it (36190)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15895) - you deserved it (2685) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 10/17/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous - France (Bretagne)
Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am beyond terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16717) - you deserved it (1171)
On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19715) - you deserved it (2037)
On 09/21/2012 at 6:57am - work - by scarred for life - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15528) - you deserved it (8249)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18327) - you deserved it (1235)
On 09/18/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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