About 182crazyking : ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ
I'm Cris, just a poor dude who reads Homestuck, watches Doctor Who, plays OFF, and goes on the internet way too much (and instead of doing homework).
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18831) - you deserved it (4574)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21182) - you deserved it (11987)
On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21024) - you deserved it (2392)
On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19892) - you deserved it (1280)
On 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21002) - you deserved it (4558)
On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15506) - you deserved it (1739)
On 09/26/2012 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Juiced (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14734) - you deserved it (6464)
On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14234) - you deserved it (1593)
On 09/21/2012 at 7:20pm - love - by Pissed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36508) - you deserved it (2906)
On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5526) - you deserved it (13457)
On 09/12/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by brianfantana32 - United States (Washington)
Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13822) - you deserved it (4176)
On 07/18/2012 at 10:41am - work - by butterball (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)
Today, I sent my boyfriend a nude picture, he sent it back to me with a mustache on my face from that iPhone app and told me he likes it much better that way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17741) - you deserved it (6735)
On 06/27/2012 at 12:58am - intimacy - by maggie74 - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8433) - you deserved it (21819)
On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13280) - you deserved it (34130)
On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19882) - you deserved it (6927)
On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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