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yeah, she goes through phases where she says she's Christian. We dated for about a year, we started dating and she sat me down to ask if I was a Christian too. We had sex 3 weeks into our relationship, and then for another 9 months, and we stopped to 'get closer to God' And I also think it was around that time she started nailing my friend. And she still has yet to understand why I don't want to talk to her

Happy Birthday, Sweaty

By jezebel - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a call from the office telling me I was fired. When I asked why, my boss explained my mother called and told him I was in a "weak mental state." She thought she was helping me get off for my birthday. Now I have no job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 261

You deserved it 3 535

BIKES!

By zinka - 25/07/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 925

You deserved it 38 113

By meggasee - 25/01/2010 00:23 - France

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 907

You deserved it 8 333

Denied

By Anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:28 - Canada

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 785

You deserved it 4 516

By fuglyphotographer - 23/10/2011 18:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I uploaded my latest picture onto a photography website. It only got one comment, and even that was from someone advising me to never use the same hideous model ever again. It was a self-portrait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 244

You deserved it 4 685

By sciencenat - 14/01/2016 06:36 - France - V?lizy-villacoublay

Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 06/01/2016 06:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 155

You deserved it 2 171

I'm bringing sexy back

By Not-so-sexy - 04/12/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he replied was, "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 521

You deserved it 6 902

Boobaloo

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Pinner

Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 128

You deserved it 2 404

By fifi125 - 24/12/2016 04:01 - Australia

Today, I spent a while in a tree after fleeing a rampaging Blue Tongue lizard, only to be chased back out of it by an angry possum. Australian wildlife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 261

You deserved it 1 007

fifi125 tells us more.

fifi125 21

Saturday 31 December 2016 0:32

Hey guys, just a lil bit of clarification. I was holding onto the tree to get a good look at the blue tongue (which was over half a metre long). We're not normally afraid of her, she's come into our house (which I'll put a picture of in my profile). It's just that that day I was too near her hidey hole so she chased me. I was in the tree havin a little stare-down with her when I must have moved a little too high up because this possum comes out of no where right up into my face. Scared the shit out of me so I ****** legged it inside. I'm also 16 so I don't have a heap of options about where I live lol

Carry her home

By Anonymous - 16/05/2014 19:02 - Canada - Gander

Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 404

You deserved it 4 340

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 07:52 - United States

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 577

You deserved it 2 207

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 01:22 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 7 403

By Xpload - 29/01/2014 18:26 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 498

You deserved it 4 249

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 15:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 384

You deserved it 2 917

By mmaarrrggoo - 04/04/2016 03:19 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I have always been terrified of stinkbugs. As I was cleaning out my horse trailer, I looked up and saw a stinkbug. In my startled attempt to turn around and run, I tripped, fell into an old plastic bin. I landed face first into a nice little pile of dead stinkbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 676

You deserved it 2 998

mmaarrrggoo tells us more.

mmaarrrggoo 19

Monday 4 April 2016 22:46

the last house i lived in had a declared stinkbug infestation... i was horrified. the surrounding area was awful too. you couldn't go outside without getting hit by one flying by

By maalmawr - 02/04/2016 05:20 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 965

You deserved it 3 446