The Top

OP here, got an email saying it's been published, so woooo, cheerin on that one haha. The story is that I moved in on campus recently, and my roommates aren't that bad but they're pretty out there. I was a little miffed, I had told them that I was starting a new job in the morning and that I was sick, they started partying just as went to bed and kept it up until about 3-4am, and I had to be up at 5. As for the window being smashed, someone decided it would be fun to push the heater through the window. Apparently it was cold outside. For the people saying things like "if you can't beat them join them" I don't think walking in after 0 hours sleep would confirm that job for me. As for the window puns..! Keep them coming, love it haha keeping me very amused! ???

By kthx - 22/10/2009 12:26 - Canada

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 735

You deserved it 3 521

By NickJJ - 16/05/2014 02:34 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 523

You deserved it 18 457

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 13:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 783

You deserved it 1 414

By Originality18 - 24/02/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimer's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 474

You deserved it 7 890

Chilled out

By Rar - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Palatine

Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 287

You deserved it 10 423

By Chubsley - 21/02/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 837

You deserved it 51 004

By Kevin - 12/04/2011 19:25

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 508

You deserved it 11 350

By Hungry - 14/01/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 634

You deserved it 4 525

Wedding fatigue

By takeiteasy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5 a.m., and the party was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 805

You deserved it 34 980

Honesty

By smoothies14 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 954

You deserved it 2 512

By whattheshit - 26/11/2009 14:19 - United States

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 302

You deserved it 2 380

By unluckysamaritan - 15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 535

You deserved it 989

Hurting over here

By wo-ow - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 759

You deserved it 4 393

By retail hell - 12/07/2015 13:11 - United States - Waterbury

Today, a customer berated me and told me to stop whining because I have to work on the weekend. What did I do to deserve this? I said, "Hi, how are you doing today?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 494

You deserved it 1 928

By Anonymous - 31/03/2014 11:49 - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 085

You deserved it 3 702

I'm going to make it awkward

By Wellthen - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was fired from my job. Not because I don't do a good job but because my boss didn't feel it was appropriate to have an affair with my wife and have to face me everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 355

You deserved it 1 544

By kenzamee - 04/03/2014 14:39 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I left a message for a potential employer. It wasn't until after I'd hung up that I realized I'd given them their own phone number to call me back at. Not getting that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 611

You deserved it 9 714

kenzamee tells us more.

kenzamee 13

Thursday 6 March 2014 6:42

I called them back! It was just a funny and embarrassing mistake. Interview next week!

By lanaoftherey - 02/06/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, I went to get my car washed at one of those places where you can watch through the glass. I watched in horror, face pressed against the glass, as my car went through with the window down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 081

You deserved it 16 006

Classy

By EK. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 459

You deserved it 8 038

By Kryometric - 29/03/2015 06:38 - United States - Coupeville

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 986

You deserved it 2 586

This ain't no place to be if you planned on bein' a star

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 105

You deserved it 37 114

Indecisive

By Wyomingwannbe - 30/04/2016 11:25 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for two days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 163

You deserved it 2 322

By blarghhhh - 28/02/2016 14:58 - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 091

You deserved it 1 386

By Jeezus - 16/02/2016 03:00 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 303

You deserved it 1 652

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Money Birthday Kids Animals Cats Kittens Cute Dogs Parenting Embarrassing Love Crush Work Painful Sports Awkward Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying My ex Gross School Intimacy NSFW

The Top

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 120

You deserved it 4 456

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 805

You deserved it 2 249

Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 1 763

Today, I’m 16 years-old, father to a four month-old baby, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 1 695

Today, my mother mentioned she thought I was Unit 11, and not the correct Unit 1, in my building. I then remembered my last anonymous Valentine’s Day card was addressed to me, but at Unit 11. So my “Secret Admirer” of many years is actually my mother taking pity on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 122

Today, it's been six months since I got married and my wife has since gained over forty pounds of unhealthy weight. She's not depressed, she's very happy with the marriage, she's just "comfortable" now. We are in our early thirties, and we started off as workout partners. I've been going to the gym alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 217