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Old school cool

By omfgitburns - 06/01/2011 14:54

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 542

You deserved it 2 876

By errrmkl46 - 02/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 634

You deserved it 3 998

By bman - 07/04/2012 06:41 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 973

You deserved it 50 297

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 07/08/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, while driving, I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 975

You deserved it 66 663

By nazirah4shizzle - 15/05/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 482

You deserved it 3 499

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 21:40 - United States

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 256

You deserved it 2 533

By Anonymous - 12/01/2015 01:14 - Australia - Attadale

Today, after listening to a group of my friends ranting on about how much they love babies and can't wait to have them, I got to witness their looks of horror and disgust as I expressed my desire to not have children. I also happened to be the only girl there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 891

You deserved it 3 738

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 20:13 - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 547

You deserved it 6 856

By ish0rty - 14/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my social awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 066

You deserved it 5 004

Amazing idea, idiots

By zain - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 334

You deserved it 3 755

By n3ov - 26/02/2013 04:33 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 601

You deserved it 4 468

n3ov tells us more.

n3ov 6

Wednesday 27 February 2013 18:27

Easier said than done.

By hairynips - 10/10/2012 19:07 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 281

You deserved it 9 611

Cheapskate

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 17:03 - United States - Gladewater

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "Condoms are too expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 238

You deserved it 6 447

By mew - 25/10/2011 18:04 - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 211

You deserved it 3 240

Hey lady! Chill!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 411

You deserved it 3 050

By whinywiper - 25/05/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 513

You deserved it 3 812

By Bilze - 17/05/2012 18:57 - United States - Burke

Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 643

You deserved it 40 783

It's not what you think

By youmindyourownbusiness - 15/02/2013 05:53 - United States - Genoa

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 566

You deserved it 4 196

Smells like…

By BobsBabe2 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 628

You deserved it 2 937

By Apissedoffguy - 03/06/2012 15:20 - United States - Brockton

Today, in a parking lot, a girl came up to our car and started to knock on the window and scream, "I KNEW IT!" My girlfriend doesn't believe that I don't know her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 125

You deserved it 2 452

Run for your life

By I Don't Exorcise - 10/05/2012 03:34 - United States - Shawnee

Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 3 055

By Kutakito - 15/04/2013 20:18 - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year-old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 431

You deserved it 12 300

By fuck you dad - 30/03/2013 18:17 - Ireland - Carrickmacross

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 522

You deserved it 55 595

Nice welcome

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got back from a six month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of three years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 862

You deserved it 6 459

By Anonymous - 17/09/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 945

You deserved it 3 937

By MakesMeLol - 18/01/2012 22:30 - Ireland

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 317

You deserved it 6 793

By fme - 08/12/2010 14:34 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy, and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off. He has some trouble getting it off and says, "This is strange, I do it for my sister all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 203

You deserved it 6 341

By Kathryn - 08/08/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 459

You deserved it 15 873

By mypoolisstilldirty - 16/02/2012 16:26 - Australia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet, and my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 828

You deserved it 4 334

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 10:45 - Russian Federation

Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 488

You deserved it 9 328

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The Top

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 260

You deserved it 7 940

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 457

You deserved it 4 367

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 329

You deserved it 4 023

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 525

You deserved it 5 008

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 418

You deserved it 3 943

Today, I found out I need surgery, and the state medicaid insurance denied me full coverage for it, since my income is "over the limit". I make 35,000 a year and live in one of the most expensive states. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 112