HerrPoopyPants

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Tiger-ed out

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

Today, I discovered my dog humping my sister's five month old baby while babysitting. FML

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML