Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML
Today, I listened to a voicemail from my mom about how she misses me and can't wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
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