alcon23

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

Help!

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

Great idea

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML