jakegryan

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

Today, I was teaching my two year-old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML