You need to have a serious talk with him. Him not caring to please you says something (possibly) about how much he cares. Worse comes to worst, don't allow penetration until he gives you one first.
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Knowing that I'm pleasuring my partner is, like, 75 percent of what makes sex great for me. If he has absolutely no investment in your pleasure--for either your OR his enjoyment--I'd have to say that's just pretty plain ****** up. You need to have a serious talk with him. If he truly cares so little for you, then perhaps consider leaving him.
Dipshits like him are either too proud to admit or too stupid to understand that the world does not revolve around them, and giving something pro bono is unthinkable. Usually both.
My ex husband was like that. Never even tried to pleasure me. Turned out it was because he was tired from pleasuring his girlfriends. You should seriously consider if this marriage is even worth keeping. Also watch out for suspicious behavior and maybe do a little investigation into his affairs because this behavior is a huge red flag. And for those who want to come at me with a "holier than though" attitude about how everyone should respect their spouse's privacy but have never been cheated on, you can just shut it. Everyone trusts their partner until their partner gives them a reason not to trust them, and a cheating spouse will almost never admit to their adultery without being presented with concrete evidence.
Mathalamus 25
Sorry, but sex is not the basis of marriage, nor should it be, and there is no evidence whatsoever of cheating. He just is unable or unwilling to try. That is all.
"Sex is not the basis of marriage." People really need to stop saying that bullshit like sex doesn't matter in a marriage. Sex is very important in a marriage. It may not be the most important component in a marriage, and maybe it doesn't have to be amazing, but it should be happening and it should be satisfying for both parties more often than not, because sex is a key component to marriage. Without sex or at least sexual activity, a married couple is just a pair of roommates.
And no there isn't "proof" that he's cheating, but there is cause for suspicion. You don't know that he isn't cheating any more than I know that he is. And even if he's not cheating, his selfishness in bed would still be grounds for divorce if it doesn't stop. It's worse than if he didn't have sex with her at all. At least then he wouldn't be constantly teasing and disappointing her.
Wyrmflight 13
Whether or not sex is important in a marriage depends on the couple. It isn't automatically important or not important.
So what is the point? Obviously there are exceptions to everything, but MOST adults enjoy sex, therefore sex IS important to MOST marriages. You can't excuse a husband being a selfish lover because SOME couples don't care for sex. And it's not fair to imply that the wife of a selfish lover is petty because she expects a fulfilling sexual relationship with her husband, especially when he's getting off on her.
Wyrmflight 13
I don't get where you're coming up with these implications considering I said nothing like that. The husband is definitely selfish and I'm not excusing that. This whole thing was more me being annoyed at the marriages of asexual people (and people with low sex drives) being invalidated and likened to just being roommates, related to this comment thread and nothing else.
ballislife2324 14
Idk why people say dump the husband, marriage is built on communication. By the sound of of what op said in this fml it sounds like this is the first time she said anything to the her husband. The husband is at fault for not caring but from the context of the fml in my opinion too is at fault too because she doesn't communicate and that's why it's so sad that most people jump to dump him or her as soon as something goes wrong because they don't know how to communicate their feelings properly.
I see what you're saying, but this isn't something that should *need* to be communicated. It's almost like having to tell your husband not to punch you in the face. It's not on the same level, of course, but both should go without saying.
ballislife2324 14
I agree 59, it's obvious but still it's one of those things u talk about. Like some war veterans have blackouts and they get violent and if they are married or in a relationship that's something a couple has to talk about and get therapy for because u communicate the problem and see if u can find a solution.
"Could at least try" sounds like you are putting him down and you really might not mean it that way. I could misinterpret and he could have just finished and walked off each time. Either way you need to talk but the words should be chosen carefully on this one, you deserve to have fun in it too.
You sound like a bitch. Especially if that was exactly how you worded it to him.
Write me off as a troll if you want but that is exactly how my ex-wife used to talk to me about everything.
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Top comments
rockaroths 15
You need to talk to him and let him know sex isn't a one way street and isn't all about him but it's also 50% about you
LexiD19 26
You need to have a serious talk with him. Him not caring to please you says something (possibly) about how much he cares. Worse comes to worst, don't allow penetration until he gives you one first.
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Comments (121)
the_real_dvd 21
Why?? Because there's guys who will if he won't.
UnluckyJulie 13
Knowing that I'm pleasuring my partner is, like, 75 percent of what makes sex great for me. If he has absolutely no investment in your pleasure--for either your OR his enjoyment--I'd have to say that's just pretty plain ****** up. You need to have a serious talk with him. If he truly cares so little for you, then perhaps consider leaving him.
lovelybones37 20
If he wants to be stingy, two can play that game. No ****** for you, then none FROM you either.
TheRussianNavy 11
Why didn't he just say, "Ok, I'll try, can you help? I don't know how to please you." Or anything like that. He should've just done it.
laden_swallow09 35
Dipshits like him are either too proud to admit or too stupid to understand that the world does not revolve around them, and giving something pro bono is unthinkable. Usually both.
gracehi 33
My ex husband was like that. Never even tried to pleasure me. Turned out it was because he was tired from pleasuring his girlfriends. You should seriously consider if this marriage is even worth keeping. Also watch out for suspicious behavior and maybe do a little investigation into his affairs because this behavior is a huge red flag. And for those who want to come at me with a "holier than though" attitude about how everyone should respect their spouse's privacy but have never been cheated on, you can just shut it. Everyone trusts their partner until their partner gives them a reason not to trust them, and a cheating spouse will almost never admit to their adultery without being presented with concrete evidence.
Mathalamus 25
Sorry, but sex is not the basis of marriage, nor should it be, and there is no evidence whatsoever of cheating. He just is unable or unwilling to try. That is all.
gracehi 33
"Sex is not the basis of marriage." People really need to stop saying that bullshit like sex doesn't matter in a marriage. Sex is very important in a marriage. It may not be the most important component in a marriage, and maybe it doesn't have to be amazing, but it should be happening and it should be satisfying for both parties more often than not, because sex is a key component to marriage. Without sex or at least sexual activity, a married couple is just a pair of roommates. And no there isn't "proof" that he's cheating, but there is cause for suspicion. You don't know that he isn't cheating any more than I know that he is. And even if he's not cheating, his selfishness in bed would still be grounds for divorce if it doesn't stop. It's worse than if he didn't have sex with her at all. At least then he wouldn't be constantly teasing and disappointing her.
Wyrmflight 13
Whether or not sex is important in a marriage depends on the couple. It isn't automatically important or not important.
gracehi 33
Well clearly it's important to OP.
Wyrmflight 13
Clearly, but that wasn't the point. I was replying solely to the claim that it's always important.
gracehi 33
So what is the point? Obviously there are exceptions to everything, but MOST adults enjoy sex, therefore sex IS important to MOST marriages. You can't excuse a husband being a selfish lover because SOME couples don't care for sex. And it's not fair to imply that the wife of a selfish lover is petty because she expects a fulfilling sexual relationship with her husband, especially when he's getting off on her.
Wyrmflight 13
I don't get where you're coming up with these implications considering I said nothing like that. The husband is definitely selfish and I'm not excusing that. This whole thing was more me being annoyed at the marriages of asexual people (and people with low sex drives) being invalidated and likened to just being roommates, related to this comment thread and nothing else.
ballislife2324 14
Idk why people say dump the husband, marriage is built on communication. By the sound of of what op said in this fml it sounds like this is the first time she said anything to the her husband. The husband is at fault for not caring but from the context of the fml in my opinion too is at fault too because she doesn't communicate and that's why it's so sad that most people jump to dump him or her as soon as something goes wrong because they don't know how to communicate their feelings properly.
gracehi 33
I see what you're saying, but this isn't something that should *need* to be communicated. It's almost like having to tell your husband not to punch you in the face. It's not on the same level, of course, but both should go without saying.
ballislife2324 14
I agree 59, it's obvious but still it's one of those things u talk about. Like some war veterans have blackouts and they get violent and if they are married or in a relationship that's something a couple has to talk about and get therapy for because u communicate the problem and see if u can find a solution.
DoomedGemini 38
The point is she's trying to communicate now and he's not willing to try.
gracehi 33
Exactly, 72. Thank you.
yamuri 17
"Could at least try" sounds like you are putting him down and you really might not mean it that way. I could misinterpret and he could have just finished and walked off each time. Either way you need to talk but the words should be chosen carefully on this one, you deserve to have fun in it too.
spacefish966 18
what a selfish asshole !
Sandman0351 13
I like to make the girl ****** as much as possible or until she almost faints and can't stop shaking. Squirters and screamers are my favorite. ;)
blueknight1st 26
You sound like a bitch. Especially if that was exactly how you worded it to him. Write me off as a troll if you want but that is exactly how my ex-wife used to talk to me about everything.