Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML
Today, we finished redecorating my kitchen. My dad has been his usual OCD self about getting it perfect, so when he noticed a shelf was just barely not level, he decided to adjust the screws. It fell off and damaged my floor, so he threw the screwdriver and cracked a wall tile. Thanks dad. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, my dad uttered the dreaded words, “Now don’t worry boy, I knows exactly what I is doing.” A few short minutes later he has a destroyed impact drill, my ladder is snapped, my kitchen window is broken, my wife is in hospital for stitches, and we can’t find the cat. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofa to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it, and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML
Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML
Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML
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Top comments
Warmonger_Smurf 29
For being drunk he got a shit ton done. That sounds like a couple of months of work for a sober dad.
Liamj774 36
With any luck he may have buried your door in the garden or in the stove
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Comments (41)
amileah13 26
Wow, he seriously was capable of doing all of that while drunk? Impressive, but now comes the annoying part of actually fixing everything now :/
XPiemaster 16
I'm surprised at the amount of stuff he managed to get done! Good job drunk dad lol
False_Stupidity 42
I have to say, that's an impressive amount of work done while drunk, even if it was all the wrong things. I hope you find your door and good luck with the TV, you'll probably need a professional to fix that unless you prefer silent movies. :)
flyingflies 36
I love your name
mswim 27
I'm sorry, but this cracked me up.
sturschaedel 27
Your dad turns into Tim Taylor when drunk. It will take the combined power of Al, Wilson and Heidi to repair everything he "fixed".
Big_Bear99 19
#17 Tim Taylor would have done it with a Binford Fix-a-matic 9000 and would have destroyed half the house! This is a case of Bill the bumbling.
LPac5295 27
He better get to work fixing all of that now. Makes you wonder what goes through people's minds when they are piss drunk.
FalloutScrolls 25
See now, all that time your dad spent drunkenly "fixing" everything, he COULD HAVE spent drinking more. ...amateur.
captainsmegma 12
If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy.
KhaleesiDannie 26
I am a man and I can change...If I have to...I guess
Krycek_fml 19
Sadly enough that happens more than us guys would like to admit. I have a truck that won't start because I worked on it drunk.