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Make it stop

By Kate is late - 16/04/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's house and was so excited to try her fancy bathroom with a “smart toilet.” The toilet had a “sensitive” bidet feature, and when I tried to stand up, it somehow thought I was still sitting and started spraying repeatedly. I just froze while standing, as it repeatedly splashed water on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 307

Carplayed out

By Anonymous - 05/04/2025 00:00 - Australia

Today, I couldn’t find my phone as I left work, but knew it was on me since CarPlay connected. Later, the music cut out speeding up onto the freeway. I then recalled placing it on the roof as I loaded up the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 509

Make your mind up!

By EpicOracle - 04/07/2025 11:00 - Nigeria

Today, my ex, who has been asking me to get back with her, told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me when I asked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 301

New tricks

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 20:00

Today, I had sex with my wife while she was on her period. After some time, I felt a burning sensation. When I pulled out, there was not only blood on my penis, but IN my penis. I, a man, peed out period blood. It hurt. I did not know this was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 289

Freaky party

By I need abs - 04/11/2025 20:00

Today, at a party, I walked in on a guy I like fucking a girl. Last week, we attempted to hook up - he'd taken my shirt off then said, "Sorry, this doesn't feel right. I can't do this." I angrily told him, "So she feels right for you, huh?" He replied, "Her gut didn't hang when I took her top off. Now leave us alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 415

Sitcom moment

By Anonymous - 29/12/2025 09:00

Today, my friends were criticizing me, a 36 year-old man hitting on a 22 year-old I met at a bar. I brought up that she’s a consenting adult. One of them responded, “Dude, the year she was born, you were old enough to jerk off and your voice was dropping… isn’t that a turnoff for you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 716

Struggling

By Anonymous - 04/09/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I started my senior year of high school. Every guy I try to get with immediately loses interest and runs off when they learn I have a one year-old son. It’s not fair I have to deny my baby boy just to find happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 1 086

Trapped

By Embarassed - 01/10/2025 22:00

Today, I wished my best friend a happy birthday with a long, heartfelt post on social media. Turns out her birthday is next week, she'd just set a trap by changing the date on her profile. I was so confident that I even added, “Finally remembered this year!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 354

Rough evening for introverts

By Chris - 24/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, at a dinner party, I got locked in the host’s toilet because the doorknob broke. I had to text the host to rescue me. She opened the door… with 5 other guests standing behind her. My social battery was wiped out by the whole ordeal, so I immediately wanted to go home and hide, but instead I got drunk and passed out on her couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 458

Downloading

By Always less important than video games - 12/12/2025 00:00

Today, when I got home, the apartment was clean for once. I gasped in surprise, and my boyfriend came out of the bathroom, carried me to the bedroom, and brutally ravished me. Afterwards, I asked him what brought this on. "Well, I bought a new game and it took forever to download..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 287

Go vegan for the economy

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I argued with my roommate about which eggs to buy: organic, pasture-raised, free-range, or AI-verified climate-positive. We settled on whatever was cheapest. They were $9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 367

Bathroom breakdown

By Anonymous - 10/04/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I used the public restroom at a park. After washing my hands, I went to dry them, only to realize there were no paper towels. I thought the air dryer would work, but it broke halfway through, leaving me standing there, awkwardly fanning my hands with my arms spread wide. A group of teenagers walked in and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 312

Odd punishment

By Anonymous - 14/05/2025 06:00 - Hong Kong

Today, one of my classmates got bullied and the whole class got to wrote 2000 words about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 465

Stay out of it

By Muddy - 28/12/2025 00:00

Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 358

I'll get my coat

By Rossi - 17/04/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, the guy I like shared a repost on his Instagram story that said, “No message is a message. Take the hint and move on.” He’d left my last message to him on “Seen” for 4 days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 358

Brain fart

By Anonymous - 15/08/2025 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked up to a store’s automatic doors. They didn’t open. I waved my arms, stepped back and forward again, nothing. A staff member came over, tapped a button, and said, “It’s manual.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 321

Hazy day

By Laurence - 18/03/2025 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my alarm went off, and in my half-asleep state, I grabbed my phone and snoozed it. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd actually snoozed my work email notification for the same amount of time, and my boss was emailing me every five minutes, asking where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 427

Good boy nonetheless

By Ethan - 18/08/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my new puppy to the dog park, proud of my cute little fluff ball. Instead of behaving nicely like the other dogs present, my dog ignored every toy, treat and friendly dog, and ran straight into a pond. He emerged soaked, covered in mud, and proudly dropped a muddy stick at my feet like it was a trophy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 402

Rolling thunder

By Dana - 21/11/2025 00:00

Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 327

Six feet under

By Anonymous - 25/08/2025 21:00

Today, on my first day driving a hearse, I took a wrong turn and of course every car behind followed me. Out of pure habit I had turned right into the main street as though I was driving home, when I should've turned left. At least my wife got to see me from the window as I drove past the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 357

Thoughts and prayers

By Broke babe - 05/11/2025 20:00

Today, at a family dinner, I mentioned I was worried about money and my job. My rich grandmother decided to announce that she'd pray for me. Thanks, Gran, I'm sure talking to Magic Sky Wizard will be more helpful than just forking over some cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 782

The body keeps the score

By Sold my soul for 5000 - 26/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, a guy offered me five grand for a video call. As an OnlyFans model, I jumped at the chance. He wanted me to list off everything I regretted or disliked about my life while masturbating. Fifteen minutes later, I had the worst panic attack I've ever had. Six hours later and I'm still shaking and sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 570

Level playing field

By Ughhh - 19/08/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband got upset that I'm not willing to explore weird kinks with him. I had a wild phase when I was younger, and he didn't, so he thinks it's unfair that I got to experiment and he didn't. Sorry you don't know what you like, but I'm not your sex toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 710

Inside job

By Anonymous - 15/11/2025 12:00

Today, my coworkers were always too nice, and I thought it was suspicious. I asked my boss why my shifts were vanishing and she finally that admitted everyone thinks I’m “too slow.” So the niceness was fake and I was the inside joke the whole time. I quit on the spot… then remembered I’m a broke uni student with no backup plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 392

Virallity gone wrong

By Anonymous - 18/04/2025 15:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a screenshot of an old tweet of mine went viral. Unfortunately, it was completely taken out of context, thinking it was saying the opposite of what I actually meant, and now I’m trending on both “Libs of TikTok” and “Woke Watch” or whatever the fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 368

Slapstick delivery

By KLO65 - 14/03/2025 09:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, after I ordered a large package online, it arrived with a massive dent. I called customer service to complain, but when the customer service guy asked for a photo, I went to grab my phone to take the picture. I tripped, dropped my phone, and recorded a video of me swearing loudly. I ended up sending the video along with the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 412

My new friends

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a woman back to my place, but we were both too drunk for sex so we decided to nap for a few hours, then fuck. Yeah, we both woke up covered in red spots. Hell of a way to discover my house has become infested with bed bugs. She ran out so fast… FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 338

No friends, no problems

By Anonymous - 27/03/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son got the last of his furniture delivered and finally moved into his first house. This boy has exactly one chair, a massive armchair pointed at the TV. When I asked him where the hell visitors are supposed to sit, he said that visitors generally won’t be welcome, even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 450

You've got something…

By Chris - 04/08/2025 00:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 412

Speech! Speech!

By Olivia - 03/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 488

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The Top

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 085

You deserved it 4 412

Today, I was bombarded with pictures of my little sister's Christmas present. It was a huge engagement ring. I got broken up with in public on Christmas eve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 181

You deserved it 2 924

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 377

You deserved it 5 490

Today, I was pulled into an argument between a woman and her boyfriend. He wanted to buy a jacket and she wanted my opinion, as a gay man, on whether it suited him. I’m not gay, I'm even married to a woman. They were very surprised because apparently I look "super gay." Other shoppers agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 186

Today, I'm sharing a hospital room with an 80-year-old. She's a nice lady, but keeps walking around in her hospital gown with no underwear on. I accidentally glanced in her direction as she was bending over. I saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 342

You deserved it 346

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 970

You deserved it 9 786