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The more you know

By My mouth tastes like blood - 14/12/2025 22:00

Today, I was able to get dental care for the first time in 4 years. I had been going through all the hygiene motions, but without professional input all that time, no one was there to warn me about the sour candies I had been eating, and how they ruined your teeth anyway. My teeth are well beyond salvageable now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 383

The shape of you

By KLO65 - 17/08/2025 09:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I told my gym trainer I’d do anything to get in shape. He challenged me to run a mile without stopping. I agreed, then got winded halfway through and dramatically collapsed on the track. A 70 year-oldish woman jogged past me and said, “You’ll live.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 441

New tricks

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 20:00

Today, I had sex with my wife while she was on her period. After some time, I felt a burning sensation. When I pulled out, there was not only blood on my penis, but IN my penis. I, a man, peed out period blood. It hurt. I did not know this was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 265

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 24/06/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned my mom doesn’t have many pictures from my childhood, but she does have a cabinet of police reports, hospital records, letters from teachers and neighbours, letters of lifetime bans from places, bills for damages, court records, and all from before I was 10. Man, I was a bad kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 549

Confusing

By here's a giant baby - 05/10/2025 03:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was horny. Since it has been a while, I offered to help. He sighed and complained that he didn't feel attractive and didn't want sex. I laughed and asked if he grew a vagina overnight. He got mad and stomped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 433

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/07/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I realised I might be a masochist. I enjoy being owned like an object and ordered like a slave. I don’t know where my life will go anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 300

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - 12/06/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at our local park and saw what I thought was my sister holding her baby. I walked up behind her, kissed her on the head, and said, “You’re such a good mum.” It was very much not my sister. It was a very confused and now probably traumatised stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 538

Driving me mad

By Anonymous - 24/05/2025 12:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I kept hearing a weird buzzing sound in my apartment. I turned off everything, unplugged appliances, and was on the verge of calling maintenance. Turns out, it was my electric toothbrush vibrating in my suitcase… for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 367

So sorry!

By Anonymous - 15/04/2025 15:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my dog to the park, and he ran straight into a group of people having a picnic. Naturally, he grabbed the biggest piece of meat in sight and ran off with it. As I chased him, I tripped and fell in front of everyone. My dog then sat and chewed the meat in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 572

Get away from me

By IAdoptedACat? - 22/05/2025 17:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I learned that, after catching my newly adopted cat so we could spend some quality time in the closet during a tornado warning, she's unwilling to let me close enough to administer her ear drops. I left my covered parking at work and took hail damage for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 302

Nice try, buster

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 22:00

Today, my four year-old wants to throw out all his toys and get new ones for Christmas. His reasoning is that if he throws them away, there will be space for all new toys. He doesn't understand sustainability or environment. He's been explaining this calmly over and over again for two hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 356

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - 19/12/2025 12:00

Today, I went to bed early, feeling responsible. At 2 a.m., I woke up in a panic because I forgot to set my alarm. While fixing it, I actually turned it off completely. I overslept, missed work, and proved once again that I should never trust myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 290

I am lost, I think

By Anonymous - 13/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I walked into a store, grabbed a shopping cart, and started browsing. After 15 seconds, I realized I was in the wrong store. The cashier watched as I awkwardly returned my cart and walked out like I totally meant to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 354

The bloat

By Oral fixation maybe? - 15/06/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I realized I need to cut back on drinking. Not booze, but water. I compulsively drink so much water that my body is bloated from water absorption and I have to pee constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 296

Man's best friend

By jess - 02/07/2025 03:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my boyfriend was breaking up with me because he felt his needs were not met. I asked what I could do to change his mind. He said, "Suck my dick, right now." It got me more turned on than I thought possible. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 498

Lost in music

By Anonymous - 12/01/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I had my earbuds in while walking to work. I was so into a particular song that I didn't notice I was singing out loud despite people being around. A random jogger gave me a thumbs-up and said, "Shit voice, wrong lyrics." FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 489

This is fine

By Anonymous - 21/07/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was dealing with my nightmares quite efficiently by drinking right before I go to sleep, presto, no nightmares and no problems when I woke up. My girlfriend decided to make a whole issue of it by telling my parents, who planned an intervention and want me to waste time seeing a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 613

Shots fired

By Its a gas - 13/06/2025 00:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 488

Hang in there

By Ethan - 29/01/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I leaned back in my chair during a meeting to appear (and feel) more relaxed. Instead, the chair tipped over, and I went down like a tree in slow motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 460

Brain freeze

By Anonymous - 27/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I realized my wallet was missing right as I went to pay for my groceries. I frantically searched the store, retraced my steps, and finally found it. It was inside a freezer, where I'd apparently placed it in when I was grabbing ice cream five minutes earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 399

Self help

By Anonymous - 31/10/2025 00:00

Today, I watched a YouTube video on how to fix a leaking sink. I was feeling confident and turned off what I thought was the main water valve. It wasn’t. Ten seconds later, a geyser of freezing water blasted me in the face. My cat watched the entire thing from the counter, with the most judgmental stare I’ve ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 357

Billie Jean

By Anonymous - 28/11/2025 15:00

Today, despite my warnings, my mother continues to go see my ex's son and encourage her to get more child support from me. They both say that because I signed the birth certificate, that makes that baby mine. I don't think he is, and I'm currently with someone else, with my first real son on the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 588

Long time coming, probably

By Anonymous - 13/11/2025 03:00

Today, to punish my wife for disrespecting me in front of my friends, I told her I wasn't going to help with the baby tonight. When I woke up, she and my baby were gone with nothing more than a text saying she was speaking to a divorce lawyer. Over one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 1 547

Mucky

By Anonymous - 30/07/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I made a protein shake at the gym. I somehow didn't screw the lid on tight enough, so when I took one huge gulp, the shake exploded all over my face, shirt, and the gym mirror. Now I look like I lost a fight with a chocolate milkshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 369

Freeloader

By Anonymous - 23/10/2025 22:00

Today, my boyfriend said he OD’d twice because of me, got sober because of me, and is done “trying.” I bought him a car yesterday and he hasn’t paid rent or bills in almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 495

Are you good?

By I tried - 23/11/2025 00:00

Today, I tried to discreetly fix a wedgie while walking into a crowded store. Right as I yanked my waistband, the automatic doors opened and revealed a full line of people staring directly at me mid-adjustment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 265

Leaving blues

By Anonymous - 10/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight when I realized I had forgotten my passport at home. I panicked, called my mom in a frenzy, only to realize I was holding my passport in my wallet the entire time. It was so embarrassing, and my mom will probably never let me forget it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 442

Bummer

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, I was on my way to see someone very special to me, but got pulled over and arrested for some old ticket and thrown in jail. I called family, who live 45 minutes away, but it took them 7 hours to get there. Now I lost the someone special and family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 524

All dungeon, no dragon

By +1 staff of ENDLESS TALKING - 27/12/2025 00:00

Today, I went to a public tabletop RPG session, excited to finally try it out. It was full of a bunch of fucking theater kids that wanted to be friends with everything and not fight. Four interminable hours later, I finally escaped from the Chamber of Boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 300

Move on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2025 09:00

Today, I bought a guy I’ve liked for months a Christmas present and expressed how much he meant to me. He said, “Lol, thanks.” He then went on a date with another girl. Apparently, being loving and caring towards guys gets you used and rejected. My lover girl era is now over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 487

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The Top

Today, on the way to an exam, I got hit by a car. I got back up and limped to class. The teacher wouldn’t let me in because I was 10 seconds late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 92

Today, a guy sent me, “I miss you.” I invited him to come over for a movie, but he then said, “I’m down for that, but I expect you to hook up with me.” I guess that’s all I’m good for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 258

Today, my dad drunkenly ranted about how I should volunteer for the military because of the crisis in the Middle East. I refused; I'm in college on two scholarships and have listened to stories of why his service still gives him nightmares. I had to hide all the phones to keep him from calling the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 123

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 492

You deserved it 3 392

Today, I had to give in and order men's jeans, just so I could have functional pockets. Ordinarily not a problem, except I have wide hips and a suitable size doesn't seem to exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 128

Today, my creepy 12-year-old neighbour stood on his trampoline, looked over my fence and started waving a large net around, chanting my dog's name. Now I'm scared to let my dog outside alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 2 032