The Top

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Twerking is for special occasions

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 15:00

Today, I literally had to say the words, “Please stop twerking” to my niece. She’s seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 67

Room by room

By Anonymous - 09/12/2025 09:00

Today, we're a family of four moving houses. My husband wants me to copy each room and move it to the new house, paste it there. Literally. He doesn't understand why it's impossible with kids to have the bedroom at one house and bathroom at another. According to him, we can fully finish this move in four days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 100

Nice

By Screwed - 28/12/2025 03:00

Today, I'm diagnosed with a terminal liver cancer. I live abroad, away from my family, so I called them and asked them to come visit me, possibly for the last time. I even offered to pay for the travel both ways. The mother, with a quite indifferent tone, declined my offer and hung up the fuckin' phone on me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 46

Go go dancer

By Anonymous - 12/12/2025 03:00

Today, I was dancing in a club when some manager told me to stop messing around and get back on stage or I’m not getting paid. I think he thought I worked for him. I was in jeans and a glittery vest, all the dancers were in booty shorts and bikini tops. What the hell, my guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 72

Neat freak

By Carrie - 01/12/2025 15:00

Today, I cleaned my car for the first time in ages and proudly showed my friend how spotless it was. Right then, a gust of wind blew a huge mess of shit straight inside as I opened the door. She said, “Nature disagrees.” Shards of leaves and other bits of crap were everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 86

Give us both pain meds, please

By It hurts - 08/12/2025 22:00

Today, I took my dog to the vet. Wanting to seem like a responsible owner, I lifted him onto the exam table. My back then cracked loudly, I dropped him, and he ran straight into a trash can. The vet sighed and asked, “Rough day for both of you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 106

Stiff competition

By Anonymous - 23/12/2025 20:00

Today, my husband has erectile dysfunction and is too scared to see a local doctor to get prescription helpers. He wants me to fly to another country and buy them over the counter for him instead! And I'm travelling next week. Not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 85

WhatsApp news!

By Anonymous - 01/12/2025 09:00

Today, I bought a new smart scale that automatically broadcasts your weight to your fitness app. I didn’t realize it also shared updates with my gym group chat. They all got a notification titled, “Progress Report: Attempt #1.” It wasn’t progress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 161

Early Christmas party

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 20:00

Today, I apologised to my colleagues on Teams for leaving the Christmas party early. The only responses were that they didn’t realise I was actually there, or didn’t even know who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 71

My name is actually Blurt

By Anonymous - 18/12/2025 15:00

Today, I saw my original birth certificate and realised I’ve spent almost all my life misspelling my first name. Now I’m worried it might invalidate pretty much every legal document I’ve ever signed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 89

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 04/12/2025 00:00

Today, I was thinking again how I literally haven't had any real life friends for years. I know I don't interact with others much, especially recently, but why am I even ignored at school? Do I deserve this like people keep saying? I really like my online friends but why does everyone but me have someone IRL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 113

Unsolicited advice

By Heather - 16/12/2025 03:00

Today, I was practicing a presentation while walking around my apartment. I didn’t realize my neighbor was standing outside my door, listening. When I opened it, he said, “Strong opening, but you lost confidence halfway.” I didn’t ask for notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 131

Burn or drown?

By Xenocide - 25/12/2025 03:00

Today, I almost burned down my speakers. How, you ask? Well, some asshole at the party (I was the DJ) decided to trip me as I walked to the stage, causing me to knock my speakers into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 76

Rip it up and start again

By Anonymous - 07/12/2025 09:00

Today, I realised I have no friends circle to call my own, no motivation to conquer the day, and no confidence to put my life back together, all because I failed the test that could get me closer to my dream job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 121

Recluse

By Anonymous - 09/12/2025 03:00

Today, I realized I am the neighborhood pariah. I have a vaca house on a lake, and every year the neighborhood holds a Friendsgiving Party. I wasn't invited. I only found out it that it happened when I saw the Facebook photos. I have no idea why I was excluded. I must be the world's biggest a-hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 127

Showtime!

By Anonymous - 13/12/2025 09:00

Today, my daughter decided to make popcorn and for some reason she thought the bag of seeds was for one portion's worth, so she poured the whole damn bag into our popcorn maker and filled half the kitchen floor. It now smells like a cinema lobby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 112

Did the rescue work?

By Hero of the day - 19/12/2025 00:00

Today, I tried a heroic rescue: a toddler’s teddy stuck on a fifth-floor balcony. I borrowed a ladder, climbed while sweating, reached it, and felt my trousers rip with a sound like Velcro in a thunderstorm. Dangling there with my superhero boxers exposed, three people filmed me while jeering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 90

Cool

By Pauline - 14/12/2025 00:00

Today, I bought a new shirt I thought looked cool. At work, three people complimented me, then each one added a variation of, “My dad has the same one!” By lunch, my confidence had left the building entirely. A coworker even asked if I’d gotten it from the “retro section.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 164

Relaxed

By Anonymous - 16/12/2025 12:00

Today, I tried meditating at the park to “be more mindful.” Right as I closed my eyes, a squirrel jumped onto my leg, causing me to scream loud enough to scare a nearby jogger, who then tripped over his own feet. I apologized while shaking uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 146

Prodigy

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 12:00

Today, I have in my living room a Rubik’s cube I’ve been trying to solve for over a year. I just got home and it was sat on the floor solved. Apparently my wife gave it to her nephew to play with and he solved it in about four minutes, then got bored. He’s 8 and I’m 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 188

Better happy and fat

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 03:00

Today, I've zero motivation to even live life. I've stopped doing even the little things I like. My husband tries hard to cheer me up and keep things going, but I just want to curl into a ball and die. I'm too scared to take depression medication as it makes me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 350

Chatty Cathy

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 09:00

Today, I was recording a video for my online class. I say I tried, because my very chatty Siamese cat was yowling in the next room, then came in, leapt onto my desk, knocking over my mug onto my laptop. The recording caught me screaming and falling off my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 82

Never? Never ever?

By Blue balls forever - 08/12/2025 20:00

Today, I tried to talk to my wife about our lack of sex lately. Apparently, her therapist told her that her high libido and eagerness to experiment came from her early childhood issues, so now she's working through her trauma and will never want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 84

Have a holly, jolly Christmas

By Anonymous - 13/12/2025 20:00

Today, I tried to look for a copy of a CD that my mom wanted after Amazon lost it. For some reason, that specific CD can only be ordered online. None of the stores have it in stock and the one store I tried wouldn't allow me to use the "ship to store" option on their website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 72

PERVERTS!

By Anonymous - 22/12/2025 20:00

Today, my dad decided that the opportunity to screw his new girlfriend in a church cemetery in daylight hours was more important than being on time to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 50

Horny and frustrated

By gennymae1991 - 20/12/2025 20:00

Today, I was once again stood up by someone who I was supposed to hook up with and now they won't respond to my messages. Maybe I'm the problem? FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 143

All shook up

By Anonymous - 08/12/2025 09:00

Today, my friend's brother is severely gorgeous. He is also off-limits because she isn't very fond of him. I also don't want her to think I'm using her to get with him because she's a newer friend and I didn't know she had a brother until I saw him, and I'd rather be her friend than his girlfriend… BUT HE'S BEAUTIFUL. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 211

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 00:00

Today, I got off my night shift late, slept for two hours, then went volunteering - playing piano in the atrium. I was sitting on no sleep so I started messing up a lot, then a patient started giving me death stares. I took my eyes off him, then looked at him again and he fell to the ground. Was the song that bad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 92

Red tape

By Bob - 06/12/2025 03:00

Today, after months of looking for a job I had and interview and the guy practically begged me to take the job. Now the staffing agency is railroading me with paperwork and bullshit, so odds are I won’t get the job. Back to Indeed I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 106

Great first impression

By Chilled - 17/12/2025 22:00

Today, I met my partner’s parents wearing my favorite hoodie to look casual-cool. As I stood to shake hands, the hem caught on a chair and ripped in a loud, dramatic seam that sounded like a trumpet. Silence, then his Mom said, “She's a character!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 116

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The Top

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 815

You deserved it 7 889

Today, I had a job interview. I have a speech impediment and as much as I tried to keep it under control, it came out during the interview. I could tell the interviewers were trying to hold in their laughter. They ended the interview after 5 agonizing minutes, saying they’ll contact me. I left in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 104

Today, I tried a soup sample at a supermarket. An employee then came over and started asking me questions about how I got the cup for the sample, telling me it wasn't store policy to just give out sample cups. I was so stressed that I broke down crying in the middle of the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 562

You deserved it 5 069

Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 948

You deserved it 2 652

Today, I decided to be productive and clean behind my couch. I found dust, old receipts, and one sock I thought was stolen by the universe. When I stood up proudly, I smashed my head on the shelf above. I knocked down three picture frames. All shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 93

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 376

You deserved it 39 357