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Derpina

By No, I am NOT!!! - 27/02/2026 00:00

Today, in our homecoming high school reunion, the batch's "derpina" broke cardinal rule #1, "No +1", by bringing her baby, brandishing her to everyone. When it was my turn, as I held the baby, she said her first word, "Daddy" and just like back in school, everyone started to tease me with her all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 294

Classic

By imfucking25 - 19/02/2026 12:00

Today, I struggled to open a childproof bottle, which, by the way, had the instructions printed on the lid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 274

Incel fantasy

By April - 22/02/2026 00:00

Today, I hard launched the guy I’ve been dating online. The guy who’s still mad that I friendzoned him commented, “See if he gives you rides, a shoulder to cry on, brings you food, and lets you copy assignments like I did for a year.” My now-ex dumped me and called me “heartless” for “using that poor guy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 627

More help needed!

By Emma - 11/02/2026 09:00

Today, it's only four days until my high school's Valentines Day dance. I want to ask my best guy friend - I'm an 18 year-old girl - but I'm always thinking of my BFF, also an 18 year-old girl. No we're not gay, but our conversations have taught me we - two straight teen girls - may be soul mates. What should I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 315

Traditional polycule blues

By I just want a polycule!!!! - 08/03/2026 22:00

Today, I'm polyamorous. I dream of getting in those big, beautiful loving relationships you see in poly media, where everyone works to make it work. All I ever seem to meet are possessive freaks who want me all to themselves, or couples wanting a threesome. Do your reading! That's not how polyamory works! FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 513

Delete! Delete!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2026 09:00

Today, my husband and I made a sex tape because I thought it sounded fun. After we watched it, I learned I have the ugliest orgasm face I've ever seen. Now I don't want sex ever again because all I can think about is how stupid I look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 201

TMI

By Anonymous - 10/03/2026 03:00

Today, my son has been talking strangely all day so I asked if he was OK. He told me he gave his girlfriend oral for the first time and while trying to “get her there” he went at it so hard, he got tongue cramp, and it still hurts so it’s making him talk weird. As a mom, TMI son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 53

Swings and roundabouts

By Anonymous - 14/02/2026 03:00

Today, I went to a community center event to make friends in a new city. I introduced myself to someone who seemed cool, then realized they were the event organizer who thought I was a volunteer who hadn’t shown up for their shift. They politely asked me to help stack chairs. I spent the night stacking chairs instead of meeting people. Now I’m on the volunteer email list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 390

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend

By Anonymous - 15/02/2026 22:00

Today, the woman I thought I had friend-zoned dumped me because she has "met someone new." I really like her as a friend but felt zero attraction, so after one date I went out of my way not to give off the wrong signals when talking or meeting. It turns out she thought I was on my way out of the "relationship" anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 342

Evel Knievel tribute act

By Anonymous - 25/02/2026 15:00

Today, I was riding down a hill on my bike, doing a wheelie, when I lost control and started heading towards a woman on the sidewalk. Don't worry, I didn't hit her, the man beside her lunged and shoved my bike so hard that I hit concrete and broke three teeth. He then screamed, "Watch it, punk!" and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 822

True love waits

By Sad egg - 11/02/2026 20:00

Today, I learned that Discord will require age verification to access adult servers starting in a month. I'm 12 and about to lose access to 90% of my social life for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 690

Isn't that some sort of crime?

By WHAT HAPPENED TO CHIVALRY - 16/02/2026 09:00

Today, my toddler bolted in a parking lot, running through lanes of cars, right past a man, and forcing me to drop everything I was holding and catch him. I gave the man hell, demanding to know why he didn't even try to stop my child from running into traffic. He just said, "Not my kid, not my problem." Asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 1 112

Turned off

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 20:00

Today, I recently got a boyfriend, a real nice guy, but unfortunately it means I discovered for the first time that during the ovulation phase of my cycle when I’m super horny I actually can’t stand him. I'm stood there craving sex, and the guy I could be having sex with turns my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 210

Grand-baby moment ruined

By Anonymous - 28/02/2026 00:00

Today, I rushed to my son’s house, eager to meet my new grand-baby, who his annoying wife wouldn’t let me see at the hospital. Before I could even pick the baby up, his wife started freaking out that I “smelled like cigarettes” and threw me out because it was “bad for the baby.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 1 097

Messy

By TheNewDad - 26/02/2026 00:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 522

Romcom moment

By Anonymous - 06/03/2026 09:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I was tired of waiting for him to propose. It turns out he was going to propose and had the ring and everything, but I fucked it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 665

Cynically poisoned

By Anonymous - 24/02/2026 09:00

Today, I rejected my crush's prom proposal because I didn't think he was being serious and wanted to prank me or something. Turns out he was serious but now he's going with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 720

No chicks in the Man Cave

By Wife of a wannabe loser - 02/03/2026 09:00

Today, I went into my husband's man cave to ask him a question. He was blasting a song about being an unemployed single loser, singing along, and playing video games. What the fuck did I marry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 484

Hey good lookin'

By Juggalomayne - 12/02/2026 20:00

Today, at the library, I saw my ex for the first time in two years, about 100lbs lighter and super hot. She’s engaged now. I asked her why she couldn’t do that for me when we were together. She replied, “Because my man loved me at my worst, unlike you. So he deserves me at my best. Have a nice day.” and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 1 151

Kidmaxxing

By Good mom - 05/03/2026 03:00

Today, my husband and I had a huge fight. I have a son from a previous relationship who he loves, but he wants more kids. My son is 9, almost 10, he's so used to being my baby that I can't bring myself to take that from him by having another baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 862

Domesticated bliss

By Men make no sense - 08/03/2026 20:00

Today, as I watched my boyfriend bake cookies, I said he was "domesticated." He looked at me like I'd just pissed on his mother's grave and has been cold and distant all evening. What the fuck? It's a compliment, you dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 715

Spice of life

By mustanggt - 11/02/2026 00:00

Today, I hit rock bottom. I waited too long to go to the grocery store and am out of almost everything. There's no salt left. What can I even cook to be edible without salt? FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 436

Grab it while you can

By Leann - 07/03/2026 22:00

Today, I had a blind date with someone who asked me for an evening out back on Valentine's Day. I was happy to have a date related to a special day. The catch: my date is a woman I know from work who has a crush on me. Should I feel good I agreed to time with another woman, or bad that it's my only date in 3 years? FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 240

Did it taste good at least?

By Anonymous - 24/02/2026 03:00

Today, I popped something straight out of the oven into my mouth. It burned my tongue instantly, but instead of spitting it out, I swallowed. I felt it burning all the way down. Now I can’t eat solid food or drink hot drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 628

Breeder

By Anonymous - 27/02/2026 03:00

Today, hoping to earn some extra cash, I spent a fortune on a purebred pit bull so I could breed her. To my horror, the ad lied about her and she had already been spayed. When I tried to contact the seller to get my money back, they just replied, “Serves you right, backyard breeder” and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 1 064

Worst dating advice ever

By desperatelyseeking - 03/03/2026 22:00

Today, I started ordering food on Uber Eats, hoping to meet a cute delivery girl and start a conversation. I got deliveries from "Stacey", "Pamela", and "Julie." All three of them were men who spoke poor English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 773

Hate the game, not the player

By Anonymous - 02/03/2026 22:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy and it went great. I later found out that he came inside another girl, stole her sweatshirt, then left. After that, he proceeded to bang another girl. Both of these girls are in my friend group, and I still went on a date with him after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 275

Red flag

By FML - 14/02/2026 22:00

Today, I'm getting married in a week. I was sashaying around the kitchen talking to my friend on the phone, saying, "No more diets, no more blowjobs, and if he complains I get half his money!" when I turned and saw my fiancé in the door. He won't believe that it was a joke and now wants a prenup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 1 099

In and out

By Maddison - 09/03/2026 09:00

Today, I had a double cheeseburger with a side of onion rings for lunch. Thirty minutes later my body reacted by giving me a bellyache and a HUGE need to shit. The good news, it was a normal pooh; it's just when I eat big, I go big. Bad. I was in his car with my guy when I "let go". He definitely noticed & smelled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 326

No time for remorse

By Anonymous - 26/02/2026 15:00

Today, I found out that my ex-husband was telling the truth, he never did cheat on me. We've been divorced for six years and I just got remarried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 853

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The Top

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 022

You deserved it 3 104

Today, I kicked my coffee table while barefoot, got an X-ray, and I’d cracked the bone. Got home, kicked the exact same table with the exact same toe, got another X-ray, the crack is now a full-on break. What a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 972

Today, I took unpaid leave for a month to work as a temp at a charity organisation, assuming it was paid due to the great benefits mentioned. During my placement, I noticed clues it was voluntary but it didn't register. At the end, I discovered it was unpaid. I get to do voluntary work for a whole month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 796

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 281

Today, as revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego into my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 710

You deserved it 9 095

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 464