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Lighting in a bottle

By Anonymous - 17/01/2026 20:00

Today, I have an amazing girlfriend. She’s smart, funny, educated, gets along with my friends and family, but she’s such a snooze in the sack, it makes me miss my psycho ex. That woman was a toxic mess of a person but she could do things that would make a porn star blush. What’s wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 279

Trapped

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 15:00

Today, I realized I'm in a horribly toxic marriage. My wife offered to let me sleep in, and my first thought was, "This is a trap, in thirty minutes she'll be yelling at me for being lazy." I tested it. Yup, it was a trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 70

Get your facts straight

By Anonymous - 21/01/2026 09:00

Today, while drunk, my brother got on my computer onto my already logged in Wikipedia account and made a few bad edits. He got me reported for vandalism, sending abusive messages to other editors, and banned from editing, pending appeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 147

No fun

By Get your kink on - 23/01/2026 03:00

Today, I asked my husband what he'd think of a threesome. He said, "The fun wouldn't be worth the stress, it's a drama bomb waiting to happen." What a bore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 450

King of pain

By Anonymous - 24/01/2026 22:00

Today, I somehow strained a muscle around my ribs that make any movement or pressure almost unbearable. In other words, breathing is just about possible, farting is excruciating, and I’m praying I get diarrhea, otherwise there's no possible way I’m going to be able to shit without passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 56

Treat yourself with kindness

By Anonymous - 26/01/2026 16:41

Today, I got so sad and depressed looking at my old pictures. I had such bad body dysmorphia from all the mean, nasty, hateful things my horrid family used to bully me for that I never realized I was actually pretty. Now thanks to an autoimmune disease my body will never look nor feel the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 30

Words having meaning

By Consentmattersiguess - 28/01/2026 09:00

Today, I went to a party where a girl I like was there. I wanted to dance with her. She rebuffed me and said, “Consent matters.” Later on, I saw her grinding with another guy she'd just met. So apparently “consent matters” with me, a friend of two years, but not for a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 733

Introvert moment

By Anonymous - 30/01/2026 03:00

Today, I worked up the courage to order coffee on my own instead of using the app. When the barista asked, “Name?” I froze and blurted out my email address. They called out my full name plus numbers and I had to claim it like that was normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 324

My bad

By Anonymous - 31/01/2026 22:00

Today, I’m a middle-school teacher. Handing back graded essays, only to realize halfway through that I’d left my personal notes visible on the projector. One said, “Great kid, but talks like a podcast on 1.5x speed.” The student read it out loud before I could close the tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 463

Steamy pile of mess

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 09:00

Today, I put leftovers in the microwave and pressed what I thought was “1:00.” It was actually “10:00.” I got distracted, then realized at minute eight when the smell changed from “warm food” to “bad science experiment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 336

Quaint and grounded

By Anonymous - 16/01/2026 03:00

Today, I broke the cheap-ass bed in a holiday cottage. All I did was lay down on the bastard, I wasn’t having sex on it and I’m not overweight, but all the supports under the mattress snapped. The owner says I need to pay, and now I don’t have a bed for the rest of my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 68

No, you go!

By Nervous - 17/01/2026 22:00

Today, I've only just got my license and waved someone through at a four-way stop because I was nervous. They waved back. We both kept waving while traffic built up behind us. Someone finally honked, and we both panicked and went at the same time. I stalled the car in the intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 413

Never the twain

By Anonymous - 21/01/2026 12:00

Today, I did a stupid thing and told my work crush that I liked her. Now, instead of living unnoticed by her, I have to live with the knowledge she doesn’t like me and only talks to me because I’m a coworker. As a bonus, she did say at least I’m not one of those quiet ones who give off SA vibes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 204

Corporate

By Drivel - 01/02/2026 00:00

Today, I was in a meeting with the team I lead and some of the bigwigs. I was discussing our recent successes, when one of my underlings decided to be a clown and made a dumb pun. The bigwigs all snorted and one said, "The half hour of boring drivel was worth it for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 370

Just to be on the safe side

By Lenore - 02/02/2026 20:00

Today, we live in a tiny trailer. My doctor said I have celiac disease. My dad, who takes things too literally, came back with gluten-free dog food. I don’t even have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 66

Let it out

By Depressed af - 06/02/2026 09:00

Today, I'd built up the courage to talk to my doctor about anxiety, even rehearsing what to say. When she asked, “So what brings you in today?” I immediately burst into tears, said, “I don’t know,” then apologized for crying. She handed me tissues and said, “This happens a lot,” which somehow made me cry harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 96

Family

By You're next, ex-mom! - 08/02/2026 03:00

Today, I came home to see my house trespassed, vandalized, and looted by my cousin, whom I have always hated, and his friends. As I get the cops to haul them to jail, he got kicked out from home for the Nth time and said my mom invited them. When I confronted my mom about it, she dismissed it saying, "He's family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 69

True love waits

By Sad egg - 11/02/2026 20:00

Today, I learned that Discord will require age verification to access adult servers starting in a month. I'm 12 and about to lose access to 90% of my social life for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 534

Technologically challenged

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 12:00

Today I booked an Airbnb for a few days and the instructions for the television were a laminated sheet saying, “It’s a tv, not a supercomputer, figure it out snowflake!” I can’t work out how to move it from Sky to Netflix; I’ve tried every possible button, menu, and setting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 133

A cute one for a change

By We have fun at least - 18/01/2026 00:00

Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 482

Fair is fair

By Loss - 21/01/2026 15:00

Today, I learned that my deceased dad left his entire considerable estate to charity because it was "fairer" than trying to divide it evenly between his three kids. Some of our properties have been in our family since Jefferson was President. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 142

You do it

By Anonymous - 23/01/2026 09:00

Today, I’m a supervisor who swore 50-hour weeks were “the minimum.” My team preferred having lives, I missed my quota, and my $10,000 bonus vanished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 1 300

Chilling

By Anonymous - 25/01/2026 03:00

Today, it was freezing in the office, so I brought in a small space heater and plugged it in under my desk. Moments later, the power went out on the entire floor of the office. I quickly unplugged the heater and stuck it in a drawer. Now I just have to somehow sneak it out of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 157

Rough patch

By Anonymous - 26/01/2026 20:00

Today, my husband won’t have sex with me anymore because he can’t be bothered. That’s been his excuse for almost three weeks, but he insists there’s nothing wrong, he just doesn’t want to. For reference, we had sex almost every day before this, so this is very abnormal behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 71

No boundaries

By Anonymous - 30/01/2026 09:00

Today, my parents and in-laws let my 4 year-old watch as much TV as he wants. Not cartoons but brain-rot and weird stuff on YouTube. Let him skip naps. Feed him primarily junk food, and sweets. They don't respect his 8 pm bedtime and let him play until 12 am or later. Then they wonder why I don't visit more often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 75

Scap

By Anonymous - 02/02/2026 22:00

Today, my mum got annoyed and screamed that I should appreciate her more, all because I had to get my car scrapped and wouldn't let her friend who'd offered me 100 pounds less than another scrapper. I'm broke and we're in a cost of living crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 58

Freaks like me

By Porn addiction is real - 06/02/2026 12:00

Today, I finally decided I was sick of watching porn all the damn time and deleted the messaging apps I use for it. Now I've realized how attached I'd gotten to the freaks on there. I'm painfully sad and lonely now and I can't recover the accounts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 173

Communication breakdown

By Anonymous - 10/02/2026 00:00

Today, I had to take my life into my hands and tell my wife that when she was yelling at me earlier, she was yelling at me in her own language, which I’m still not fluent in, so whatever it was that upset her, I still haven’t fixed it because I didn’t understand the instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 91

Drugery

By Anonymous - 11/02/2026 22:00

Today, I think I've reached that point in my marriage where sex is reserved for Valentine's Day, my birthday (maybe), and our anniversary. Which is fine, I expected it to come at some point, just not when I was in my 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 44

Memories…

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 15:00

Today, I dug out an old yearbook to look up one of my teachers. Instead, I immediately found the signature of my horrible ex, claiming my “yearbook virginity.” He got my physical virginity too, through some extremely unethical means. I hate him for being a scumbag, and myself for being a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 113

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was, once again, yelled at by multiple tourists because I don't speak their language, even though they could neither speak English or Norwegian. They also yelled at me for not accepting Euros. Norway is not a part of the European Union. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 661

You deserved it 1 439

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 691

You deserved it 2 536

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 025

You deserved it 11 837

Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 009

You deserved it 36 931

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 916

You deserved it 3 791

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 665

You deserved it 15 564