The Top

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Take what you can get

By Ella - 06/02/2026 00:00

Today, I realized how friendless and lonely I am. I cried this morning as I recalled my older (20 to my 16) brother visiting last weekend. He began his visit by hugging me and saying, "I love you sis', thanks for letting me be your brother." His affection to me is the only hug someone not my parents has given me in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 83

Tonight, on The Pitt…

By Ughhhhhhhhhhhh - 09/02/2026 15:00

Today, I had a seizure and went to the hospital. Turns out, when you put in a tampon, forget, then get horny, your dildo can push the tampon all the way up to your cervix, where it will fester until you become septic. I'm now on antibiotics and horribly ill, but at least I know why I've been so tired recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 210

More help needed!

By Emma - 11/02/2026 09:00

Today, it's only four days until my high school's Valentines Day dance. I want to ask my best guy friend - I'm an 18 year-old girl - but I'm always thinking of my BFF, also an 18 year-old girl. No we're not gay, but our conversations have taught me we - two straight teen girls - may be soul mates. What should I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 265

The spice of life

By Anonymous - 13/02/2026 03:00

Today, my girlfriend invited me over to her family’s house for dinner. Every dish was packed with onion, garlic, pepper, and some spices I couldn’t even identify. I couldn’t actually taste the meat or the side dishes. All the nuance had been obliterated. I think they might not have taste buds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 124

Oh, right

By brainrot - 14/01/2026 03:00

Today, I spent an entire conversation nodding and agreeing with someone, only to realize near the end that I'd misunderstood one key detail and was agreeing with the opposite of what they meant. I laughed awkwardly and said, “Oh, I thought you meant the other thing.” They said, “I know.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 321

Time to let go

By Anonymous - 15/01/2026 22:00

Today, my husband is leading us into financial ruin by insisting on paying for his senior dog’s cancer treatment, but the poor thing is so old and miserable, I’m pretty sure it’s animal abuse at this point. He won’t listen to reason, our bills are all past due, and my car is about to get repossessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 87

Must stay productive

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 12:00

Today, I experienced my third day in a row with visual aura causing a migraine. I informed my safety and human resources departments, who both offered help. When I went to tell my supervisor, she told me that women experience this all the time and I need to learn to deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 79

Point made

By Anonymous - 23/01/2026 00:00

Today, to prove to my wife that she's incapable of leaving on time, I told her we needed to leave by 6 and gave her no further reminders. At 6:45 she “still need 5 more minutes.” Then she got mad when she came downstairs at 7:20 and I was in my pyjamas, because what's the fucking point leaving now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 80

Me me me

By Anonymous - 24/01/2026 20:00

Today, some old friends came to visit me after I had my first baby a few weeks ago. When the last friend, who has always been rather self-centered, arrived, she immediately announced her own pregnancy and talked of nothing else for the rest of her stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 80

Budget cut

By Anonymous - 26/01/2026 15:00

Today, as a college student on a budget, I treated myself to a haircut. The stylist asked if I liked it, even though it was much shorter than I wanted, and I said yes. When I got home, my roommate asked if I had joined the military. My mom asked if I was OK. I'm wearing hats for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 87

They didn't yet call them selfies in 2001

By Anonymous - 30/01/2026 00:00

Today, I found a box of old photos in my mom's house. This is how I discovered that her and her boyfriend at the time thought it was a great opportunity for a selfie… with the World Trade Center towers billowing smoke behind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 85

Saucy

By Anonymous - 31/01/2026 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed after a long stretch of abstinence, finally heating things up. I went to the wardrobe to grab the vibrator (I love using it on her) and slowly revealed it: mold-covered, an absolute biohazard. The night ended with me fixing a leak behind the wardrobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 77

Idiot

By Father of a moron - 04/02/2026 09:00

Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 105

Can't catch a break

By Later! - 06/02/2026 03:00

Today, I’m a night-shift nurse and finally had a rare morning off. I set 3 alarms so I wouldn’t miss my dentist appointment. I slept through all of them, woke up at noon with my phone on 2% battery, and I’d missed the appointment. The reschedule fee is more than my hourly wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 102

Dementia

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 22:00

Today, my former boss called to bitch me out for some computer issue he emailed me to fix three days ago. I quit my job there 7 months ago, and I had to hand my phone to my new manager to convince my old boss I really did quit and wasn’t just avoiding fixing the computer problem. Asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 57

Get tested

By Anonymous - 11/02/2026 12:00

Today, I found out my ex was sleeping around with others without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 35

Lighting in a bottle

By Anonymous - 17/01/2026 20:00

Today, I have an amazing girlfriend. She’s smart, funny, educated, gets along with my friends and family, but she’s such a snooze in the sack, it makes me miss my psycho ex. That woman was a toxic mess of a person but she could do things that would make a porn star blush. What’s wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 279

Trapped

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 15:00

Today, I realized I'm in a horribly toxic marriage. My wife offered to let me sleep in, and my first thought was, "This is a trap, in thirty minutes she'll be yelling at me for being lazy." I tested it. Yup, it was a trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 70

Get your facts straight

By Anonymous - 21/01/2026 09:00

Today, while drunk, my brother got on my computer onto my already logged in Wikipedia account and made a few bad edits. He got me reported for vandalism, sending abusive messages to other editors, and banned from editing, pending appeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 147

No fun

By Get your kink on - 23/01/2026 03:00

Today, I asked my husband what he'd think of a threesome. He said, "The fun wouldn't be worth the stress, it's a drama bomb waiting to happen." What a bore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 450

King of pain

By Anonymous - 24/01/2026 22:00

Today, I somehow strained a muscle around my ribs that make any movement or pressure almost unbearable. In other words, breathing is just about possible, farting is excruciating, and I’m praying I get diarrhea, otherwise there's no possible way I’m going to be able to shit without passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 56

Treat yourself with kindness

By Anonymous - 26/01/2026 16:41

Today, I got so sad and depressed looking at my old pictures. I had such bad body dysmorphia from all the mean, nasty, hateful things my horrid family used to bully me for that I never realized I was actually pretty. Now thanks to an autoimmune disease my body will never look nor feel the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 30

Words having meaning

By Consentmattersiguess - 28/01/2026 09:00

Today, I went to a party where a girl I like was there. I wanted to dance with her. She rebuffed me and said, “Consent matters.” Later on, I saw her grinding with another guy she'd just met. So apparently “consent matters” with me, a friend of two years, but not for a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 733

Introvert moment

By Anonymous - 30/01/2026 03:00

Today, I worked up the courage to order coffee on my own instead of using the app. When the barista asked, “Name?” I froze and blurted out my email address. They called out my full name plus numbers and I had to claim it like that was normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 324

My bad

By Anonymous - 31/01/2026 22:00

Today, I’m a middle-school teacher. Handing back graded essays, only to realize halfway through that I’d left my personal notes visible on the projector. One said, “Great kid, but talks like a podcast on 1.5x speed.” The student read it out loud before I could close the tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 463

Bad trip

By Anonymous - 11/02/2026 15:00

Today, after I flew 16 hours across the world to see my girlfriend, on the fifth day of the holiday we broke up because she ended up telling me she "can't do distance." After all those hours of flying, we spent the last 3 days in the hotel room mostly crying, and I asked her face to face, "Why did you break me?" She left; I'm broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 73

Hate the game, not the player

By Anonymous - 13/02/2026 09:00

Today, I really liked this girl, and it seemed like she maybe liked me too. We texted a lot, she invited me to a party, and we played games together. I asked her out, worried about waiting too long, but got a really ambiguous answer. Now she’s playing the same games she used to ask me to play, just with a different guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 21

Steamy pile of mess

By Anonymous - 14/01/2026 09:00

Today, I put leftovers in the microwave and pressed what I thought was “1:00.” It was actually “10:00.” I got distracted, then realized at minute eight when the smell changed from “warm food” to “bad science experiment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 336

Quaint and grounded

By Anonymous - 16/01/2026 03:00

Today, I broke the cheap-ass bed in a holiday cottage. All I did was lay down on the bastard, I wasn’t having sex on it and I’m not overweight, but all the supports under the mattress snapped. The owner says I need to pay, and now I don’t have a bed for the rest of my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 68

No, you go!

By Nervous - 17/01/2026 22:00

Today, I've only just got my license and waved someone through at a four-way stop because I was nervous. They waved back. We both kept waving while traffic built up behind us. Someone finally honked, and we both panicked and went at the same time. I stalled the car in the intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 413

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The Top

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 320

You deserved it 59 120

Today, my dad is in the hospital for heart failure. Almost every single one of my aunts, uncles, and cousins have managed to find a way to make it about themselves for attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 103

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 058

You deserved it 1 174

Today, I was on a date, and I mentioned that I'm divorced, he was fine with that. I said I have two kids, he was fine with that. I mentioned the youngest is autistic, he was not fine with that, got up, and left so fast saying he wants nothing to do with kids like that. I was left with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 806

You deserved it 268

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in and saying, "That's an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 671

You deserved it 10 606

Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 257