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By Anonymous - 03/03/2016 22:36 - United States - Hampton

Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 844

You deserved it 1 414

By traumatized - 10/11/2018 21:00 - Canada - Joliette

Today, I accidentally opened my dad's sex tape. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 627

You deserved it 2 118

By Chris Chandler - 04/11/2018 15:30

Today, my cat peed on the kitchen floor. As I went to get the mop, I slipped on the puddle not once, not twice, but three times. In quick succession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 392

You deserved it 686

That old chestnut

By foreveralone - 24/09/2012 23:12 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Spicy

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 833

You deserved it 23 550

Great timing

By wideeyeddays - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pasadena

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he'd had to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 227

You deserved it 1 703

Freaked out

By notmycircus - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Cincinnati

Today, the school counselor asked me to leave the grief counseling group I've being go to after the death of my sister. Apparently, I scare the others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 346

You deserved it 2 736

By UnicornCinnamon - 24/11/2018 04:00 - Romania - Cluj-napoca

Today, my mother called me while she was shopping to tell me that she found a unicorn onesie. When I asked her to buy one for me, she started to laugh and told me that they are for teens, not for "old goats" like me. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 636

You deserved it 670

By Cannachick - 17/07/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 471

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 14:00

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 119

You deserved it 454

By Mewsmash - 01/01/2016 16:23 - United States - Dublin

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 291

You deserved it 1 560

By eyepatch - 19/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Albany

Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 880

You deserved it 422

By Anonymous - 08/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Knoxville

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 923

You deserved it 2 540

By Uhg - 10/03/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, my spouse made it clear that they would rather play video games than be intimate with me. I've tried everything, but get nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 346

You deserved it 421

Bloggers gonna blog

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an online blog that he updates every time we have sex. It’s ridiculously detailed, right down to the slight difference in the pink of my vagina and the slightly darker pink of my asshole. He's a dead man when he gets home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 212

By sugar baby24 - 28/06/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 6 535

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 822

You deserved it 6 895

By gege31 - 08/11/2010 11:48 - Ireland

Today, during a school trip to Ireland, I tried taking a souvenir picture of a sheep wearing my sunglasses. So, if you ever see a sheep running past with sunglasses on, they're mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 520

Butterfingers

By heeeeeyitsbrittney - 09/05/2019 08:00

Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 02:00

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 398

Perv

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 553

You deserved it 1 985

Thanks for your help, dude

By Anonymous - 27/04/2017 00:00 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, on a train to the airport, the ticket inspector pointed out that my girlfriend and I hadn't activated our tickets. He suggested one of us get off and activate them at the next station. Now I'm on the moving train with all our luggage, and she's waving from the platform with our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 904

You deserved it 505

By yellowthumb - 03/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 605

You deserved it 582

By jack - 28/05/2019 12:00

Today, I asked my new girlfriend if she was feeling alright, since she is on her period for the first time since we started dating. I got an empty cereal bowl thrown at my head. Question asked and answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 967

You deserved it 391

By TheLemonMan - 15/10/2015 18:04 - United States - Lincolnshire

Today, I was walking through school when I noticed an advertisement for school picture retakes. It read, "Bad hair day?" Underneath was my picture. That's my normal hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 989

You deserved it 2 216

TheLemonMan tells us more.

TheLemonMan 24

Friday 20 November 2015 17:06

After posting this, I followed your suggestions and took it to the school. It turns out, it was two of my 'friends' who got a hold of my school pic, enlarged it, and made posters to put around. After some investigation, the school found them. You were right, the school was angry that they put my picture on display on school property without my permission. They got suspended for a week. Thank you guys for all your support and suggestions!

Never again

By Anonymous - 05/05/2017 02:00

Spicy

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 720

You deserved it 537

By TheStroker - 01/06/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 355

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 255

You deserved it 17 617

Waste of time

By wasteoftime - 07/06/2017 20:00

Today, I went to a job interview. I never applied for the job, they'd sought me out, had a phone interview, and sent samples, all before the face-to-face interview. Turns out none of the people I met with had even read my resume or writing samples. I was told I might not be a good fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 340

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 20/09/2015 15:23

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 840

You deserved it 12 130

I'll take what I can get

By Queen LaQueefah - 13/09/2015 11:52 - United Kingdom - Chesterfield

Spicy

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 213

You deserved it 3 405

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Today, I found out that my parents forgot to invite me out to eat with them. I found this out when my mom invited my sister right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 92

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 712

You deserved it 6 410

Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 141

Today, I looked at my father's Facebook for the first time in a month to see a status saying, "Making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 918

You deserved it 3 069

Today, I was heading out for lunch, and a co-worker asked me if I would pick up their pizza. I said yes, because, why not? Just as I arrived, they texted to inform me that the pizza was under the name "Anita Luong Duong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 300

You deserved it 775

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 916

You deserved it 7 065