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To give a back story, her parents were renting a house for over a year and there was this super sketch shed was in their backyard. They had all been too scared to mess with it because they didn't want to get hurt. My girlfriend always wanted to go inside but didn't have the strength to open the door. So, after I pulled a bit too hard, I ripped the door off. I told her to go tell her parents, so we could fix it. She said to just put the door back where it was and act like nothing happened.

By 'Earmeout! - 28/04/2017 12:04

Today, I went to the hairdressers for a quick cut and wash. I didn't expect my ear to be included in it. FML

agreeclassic 4 902

vote type 1 306

Pixiewolfe app_comment_confession_title

Pixiewolfe 46

Friday 28 April 2017 7:28

Wow my life really sucks with two FMLs published in a month. Luckily she did not actually cut any part of the ear off. It was painful and bleeding a lot but I'm no van Gogh look a like.

Suspicious Minds

By Kelly - 29/11/2016 18:57

Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML

agreeclassic 9 794

vote type 1 2 438

Sexy talk

By cheekymonkey97 - 24/10/2016 16:48

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

agreeclassic 12 604

vote type 1 1 556

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

agreeclassic 4 503

vote type 1 433

By HYRTE - 06/09/2017 04:30

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

agreeclassic 4 059

vote type 1 371

Brief encounter

By anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

agreeclassic 15 726

vote type 1 1 431

By kicking me while I'm LITERALLY down - 07/11/2017 05:00

Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

agreeclassic 4 640

vote type 1 292

By I guess not - 02/08/2016 13:24

Today, my boyfriend of three years asked me if I ever wanted to get married. I said yes. He said, 'But what happens if you never find a guy who likes you that much?' FML

agreeclassic 15 462

vote type 1 1 120

Coincidence?

By lessimportantthanatable - 15/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

agreeclassic 4 811

vote type 1 1 029

By pamcakes - 09/07/2016 17:14

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

agreeclassic 11 457

vote type 1 1 283

Everything is clean

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 18:00

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

agreeclassic 2 772

vote type 1 250

By EyesofStone - 01/06/2016 01:03 - United States

Today, I decided to work on my social anxiety by ordering some food. I waited in line, practicing my order in my head all the way. When I got to the front, I said my order with no mistakes. The cashier just stared blankly at me until I mumbled, "Never mind..." and left. FML

agreeclassic 13 199

vote type 1 1 612

By jameen - 07/05/2016 11:48 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

agreeclassic 14 765

vote type 1 1 033

By Anonymous - 23/08/2018 14:00 - Australia - The Gap

Today, after reflecting over my sex life, I realised at 28 I've been sexually active for 12 years. Despite trying everything with my 4 partners over the years, masturbation, and going to a gynaecologist, I've still never had an orgasm. FML

agreeclassic 3 646

vote type 1 345

By kotolokacja - 24/08/2018 06:00 - Poland - Plock

Today, I got married and it was wonderful. I had a beautiful mermaid-style tight dress, had fun with my husband, and drunk like there was no tomorrow. Then my bridesmaid forcefully took me to the bathroom to show a big, red stain on my butt. My period came two weeks early. FML

agreeclassic 3 965

vote type 1 242

Close quarters

By aunty_social - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

agreeclassic 2 646

vote type 1 470

By Anonymous - 08/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

agreeclassic 3 562

vote type 1 252

By fucktelstra - 17/03/2016 11:42 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

agreeclassic 21 590

vote type 1 1 431

By NurseGabby - 24/02/2016 19:26 - United States - Gadsden

Today, my boss asked me if I needed to stand in the corner while I thought about what I did wrong. FML

agreeclassic 18 574

vote type 1 2 798

NurseGabby app_comment_confession_title

NurseGabby 10

Friday 26 February 2016 2:04

Well the truth is I work in hospice. I was sent to an admission without the information I needed so I could give a family 5 star treatment because they are a friend of someone in the facility I went to. In the end I told my boss maybe she should stand in the corner for not properly informing me, and I treat everyone with the same compassion and dignity no matter who they are or know!

By CollegeKid - 22/01/2017 22:00

Today, I was in the hospital for 12 hours with unbearable stomach pain. Apparently I have a horrible infection in my intestines and colon. My mom is now accusing me of having anal sex and allowing a man to ejaculate into my bum. My great-grandma believes her. FML

agreeclassic 10 624

vote type 1 748