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Are you experienced?

By ugh - 11/03/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 619

You deserved it 27 061

By Hutchie931 - 30/07/2016 23:24 - United Kingdom - Dudley

Today, on a girls night out at a very fancy restaurant, our waiter spilled my chocolate dessert over my new white pants. To repay up, they gave us a free bottle of red wine, which he promptly coated me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 973

You deserved it 1 707

Hutchie931 tells us more.

Hutchie931 15

Sunday 31 July 2016 19:12

Hi to continue after that fiasco the waiter was very apologetic and so was the owner and I got 15% of my bill and got recommended a Dry Cleaners that specialised in "accidental" stains so not all bad :)

By anxious spaghetti - 03/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend over text. We wore each others' hats, so I gave his back and asked for mine. He “accidentally” burned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 752

You deserved it 463

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

By preggo eggo - 30/11/2017 16:00

Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 257

You deserved it 567

By Anonymous - 10/12/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, I narrowly avoided shooting myself in the foot with a nail gun. I considered myself the luckiest guy ever, until I stepped on a plank with another nail sticking out of it, which went right through my foot. Oh well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 196

You deserved it 799

Kinda sus behavior

By dumped and dusted - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 150

You deserved it 2 112

By NittanyMangini - 26/05/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 309

You deserved it 1 522

By 0h_Boy - 20/04/2016 20:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my wife and I were Skyping, when she decided to put on a "show" for me. Seconds before she was about to climax, we lost internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 933

You deserved it 2 556

By raiden - 17/08/2018 20:30

Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 965

You deserved it 227

By ChinaWillOwnUs - 27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 815

You deserved it 236

By Mush - 27/08/2015 16:42 - France - Montpellier

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 751

You deserved it 1 741

Highly inappropriate

By Gamergirl137 - 16/01/2016 02:28 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 510

You deserved it 2 617

Small world

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 03:00

Today, I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said good night to him… only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 3 920

Such a joker

By fml - 03/03/2019 22:00 - United States - Billerica

Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny by making a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent, "Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 3 359

By dBLIZZARD - 05/11/2015 03:32 - United States

Today, my fiancée thought that lowering the volume on her phone would lower the amount of data being used by her streaming songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 784

You deserved it 2 876

Pizza party

By Newly Minted Canuck - 22/04/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 299

You deserved it 4 721

Pump and dump

By Anonymous - 07/05/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my dad invested my entire college fund into some shady internet stock, despite my dire warnings about being careful. He told me not to worry as he'd done some research, and he guaranteed everything would be fine. Two hours later that same stock dropped almost 75%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 077

You deserved it 433

By aishyaslife89 - 06/10/2015 22:03 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 988

You deserved it 2 523

LOL whatever

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 10:22 - Australia

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was, "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway." Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 2 159

By lobotomy pls - 11/09/2015 18:40 - United States - Tappahannock

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 426

You deserved it 4 537

By trollbot13 - 24/10/2016 09:39 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my boss's words, "Abided by company policy to such an extent that customers were starting to hate me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 053

You deserved it 1 302

By FireFarter - 30/08/2017 21:45 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I suddenly awoke on the couch in the dark early-morning hours to the pungent odor of something burning. I ran all throughout the house looking for a fire but there was no sign of it. Exhausted, I crashed back down on the couch and let one rip. It had been me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 842

By AloneAgainNaturally - 09/09/2016 21:03 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 375

You deserved it 1 925

Not worth it

By Reebee - 27/09/2017 01:30

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 374

You deserved it 563

He tried.

By Anonymous - 09/11/2017 05:00

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 992

You deserved it 298

TMI

By Autumn - 18/12/2017 01:30

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 351

You deserved it 424

By Ananomouse - 07/07/2016 21:31 - United States - Coatesville

Today, I had my guy over for some sexy times. Things stopped before they even started. I watched him pick his nose then wipe it on my freshly changed sheets. He denied it when I called him out on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 080

You deserved it 1 548

Ananomouse tells us more.

Ananomouse 5

Friday 8 July 2016 19:24

Op here. I don't have a problem with various bodily fluids getting on the sheets. But. I have tissues on the headboard and my bathroom is two steps away from my bed. So it was just generally disrespectful all around.