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Im the OP!! Glad this got accepted but to clarify some things nothing is going on in his home. She is just being a drama queen because he lives in a middle class home and I live in the suburbs . She doesn't like being there because " the demon spawns" also known as her brother and sisters are there and she is the oldest. She also doesn't have her own room at his house like she does at mines.

By Anonymous - 31/03/2018 15:00

Today, a customer asked a question I couldn’t answer. I asked if she would wait while I consulted someone else, but she spat in my face and stormed off. My manager saw, wrote me up for refusing to help, and gave the woman a gift card for her troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 045

You deserved it 255

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 951

You deserved it 502

By MallowMistress - 22/08/2018 13:16 - United States - Ochelata

Today, I woke up to find my fiancé in the pool with a topless woman he had told me "not to worry about". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 006

You deserved it 399

MallowMistress tells us more.

MallowMistress 13

Wednesday 22 August 2018 20:13

Hey! OP here! I am kind of amazed this got posted! But it was a pool at our house, yes we are still engaged after much arguing, crying and confrontation. Nothing happened, but there was talk of them possibly being more until she realized she didnt want to ruin her own relationship over soemthing like that, because he had told her we were open so he can do whatever. (We had been at one time, but not in over a year.) So yeah hes in the doghouse and contact outside of work with her is now very limited and always monitored.

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 798

You deserved it 15 224

Mood ruiner

By RuinedTheMood - 21/09/2014 05:11 - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said, "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded, "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 019

You deserved it 13 512

By MineAlwaysTouching - 27/04/2017 18:00

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 1 822

Spooky

By amidreaming?? - 11/06/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom - Bushey

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 996

You deserved it 3 938

By Pandamomma - 21/07/2014 12:58 - United States - Dunn

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 112

You deserved it 7 259

Pandamomma tells us more.

Pandamomma 2

Monday 21 July 2014 19:38

hi. OP here. I said FML because I ended up having to apologize and act as if I was sincere. I failed miserably and ended up laughing hysterically. I did feel a little bad.

By Anonymous - 16/09/2015 11:25 - Germany - Felsberg

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 462

You deserved it 2 043

By annabellatrix - 14/09/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 672

You deserved it 2 409

By HomeImprover - 02/11/2016 17:34

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 578

You deserved it 803

Cute

By StillAVirgin - 17/10/2016 15:23 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 767

You deserved it 1 249

By Anonymous - 31/07/2017 12:00 - United States - Hurricane

Today, at work, I wanted to scare my best friend, who is also my coworker. Thinking that he was cleaning the women's bathroom, I snuck in and right when I was about to scare him, my store director came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 3 877

Ready for the grill!

By boopingsnoot - 05/08/2017 20:00

Today, at work, the chest freezer was accidentally turned off. I work at a vet and the freezer is our morgue. It got opened before anyone realized the contents had thawed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 066

You deserved it 318

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 524

Kaboom!

By stupidity - 23/08/2017 21:45 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air and tried catching it with one hand, but I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, so in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it in less than 5 seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 4 151

By Océane Léana K - 01/09/2017 01:29

Today, after coming back from a trip to Africa where I got malaria, I went to the hospital for some blood tests. The doctor said, "Good news! You never had malaria! But they put you through a lot of dangerous treatments and now your liver has an anomaly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 748

You deserved it 246

By sexisdead - 31/07/2016 17:16

Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 017

You deserved it 1 878

Thanks for the support

By Theslacker... - 09/11/2017 16:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, a number of people came to visit me in the hospital, including my grandparents. They called me "weak" and "a cowardly millennial" for going to the ER instead of sucking it up, and blamed me for rising healthcare costs. I had a compound fracture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 288

By TubaAssassin - 28/11/2017 06:00

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 900

You deserved it 298

By awkward_loser69 - 14/07/2016 04:42

Today, I went into labor. I called my mother to ask her to drive me to the hospital. She wanted me to wait for her to take a nap first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 962

You deserved it 1 074

awkward_loser69 tells us more.

awkward_loser69 21

Friday 15 July 2016 21:44

OP here, to answer some questions, the father and I are married, he was just working at the time and my mom is closer to me than my SO's work so we had already planned for her to take me if this were to happen since he works long shifts. She was definitely serious about taking a nap but thank god she didn't cuz I was in full blown labor and had a few complications. Long story short, in the end my daughter had to have her stomach pumped as soon as I delivered and she wasn't breathing due to her swallowing and choking on my amniotic fluid and her meconium. She was fine after all that happened other than a fever of 104.5. So if my mom had taken a nap I'm not sure what would have happened.

By Anonymous - 14/12/2017 01:30

Today, a stranger yelled, "Non-believers shouldn't wear these!" He then took my rosary and ran off. It belonged to my dead brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 449

You deserved it 328