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By minustoenail - 12/10/2012 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 540

You deserved it 2 005

By calidumbass - 14/01/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 658

You deserved it 121 701

By Sisterly Love - 02/01/2015 05:37 - United States - Saline

Today, my sister compared me handling the news of recently being told that I have a devastating and very possibly fatal autoimmune disease, to that of a teenager being melodramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 129

You deserved it 2 844

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 23:04 - United States

Today, the handle in the port-a-potty broke off, with me inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 116

You deserved it 2 853

By lovefool - 12/01/2011 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me by text. It's also the day that the birthday present I ordered for him was finally processed and shipped, meaning I can't cancel and get my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 724

You deserved it 2 849

By Single4Life - 05/07/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 001

You deserved it 3 388

Life decisions

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 05:05

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her two spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 429

By lunab123 - 31/12/2014 20:59 - United States - Potomac

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 618

You deserved it 12 908

By crushed - 14/09/2013 17:04 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I got really excited when I got an email from a guy I've been flirting with in my math class. Turns out he thinks I stole his calculator and wants it back immediately. There goes my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 381

You deserved it 3 595

Protip

By LovedByFamily - 08/10/2012 15:08 - Germany - Köln

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 506

You deserved it 2 327

By bdayboy - 11/01/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 396

You deserved it 2 849

By whitey - 09/01/2011 11:11 - Australia

Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 4 257

By ow - 17/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 252

You deserved it 69 817

Never enough

By Notgoodenough - 26/11/2021 22:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my ex-husband quit smoking and went back to school for his new girlfriend. I’d been behind his ass getting him to stop his bad habits for the entire year and a half of our marriage, and he didn’t wanna do it. Nice to know he wanted to be a better man… for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 426

Real Housewives coded

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 03:30 - India

Today, just because my mum's friend's son got better grades than me, she's now treating me like shit. You know what lady? His mom is way better than you too! She didn't attempt to kill her child half a dozen times, and you don't see me complaining about it all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 07:56 - United States

Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 099

You deserved it 4 269

By MonsieurH - 03/04/2014 07:44 - France - Perros-guirec

Today, my dog wouldn't stop pestering me while I was eating some chocolate mousse. I tried to get him to leave me alone for a bit by pretending to throw the mousse far away. The pot stayed in my hand, but I covered the furniture in chocolate mousse. My dog enjoyed cleaning it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 603

You deserved it 48 265

By merpaderp14 - 09/09/2013 06:15 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 164

You deserved it 5 981

By dibman - 07/01/2011 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 742

You deserved it 2 961

Hey guys, check this out

By Sonic - 15/01/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 454

You deserved it 30 937

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 23:19 - United States - Topeka

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 482

You deserved it 1 751

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 22:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 754

You deserved it 5 059

By handlin - 14/01/2010 06:45 - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 015

You deserved it 4 156

By wowzersthatsucks - 29/06/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 308

You deserved it 5 947

Escape game

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 11:01

Today, my date escaped through a second-storey bathroom window before our drinks even arrived. She later texted me that it wasn’t my fault, I just reminded her too much of her father, even though I’m two years younger than her and look nothing like the photos I've seen of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 13/01/2010 08:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 111

You deserved it 3 256

My new friend

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 13:58

Today, I realized at the train station that every day for a month, I've been waving to a cardboard cut-out of a person in the morning. I thought they were real. They're cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 495

By depressed - 03/09/2013 21:43 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, my new creative writing teacher informed the class that we should consult him before writing anything "dark or disturbing." I only took the class because my therapist recommended that I join the class so I could freely express my darker thoughts without her help or a fear of being judged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 283

You deserved it 3 095

By strawberrywine22 - 28/09/2012 02:14 - United States - Torrance

Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 932

You deserved it 2 697

strawberrywine22 tells us more.

strawberrywine22 30

Wednesday 10 October 2012 10:57

OP here :) No, I'm NOT a terrible wife. I had a situation that caused sex to be very painful for me, so we weren't doing it very much. He got frustrated, this ***** started chatting with him. I moved in with my parents, and two weeks later he ended it with her (without even meeting her in person yet) realizing that it was his sexual frustration talking. We are back together and working things out, which is easier now that I've been to the doctor and had my situation taken care of. Thanks for the sympathy, and a big FECK OFF to the haters ;)

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 049

You deserved it 3 507

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Today, I fainted in the bathtub. My family broke the door to save me, which is great, but they all saw me naked, which is not so great. My siblings laughed at the size of my penis, my father laughed at the situation, and my mom just cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 313

You deserved it 412

Today, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with his girl bestie for 4 years. I also found out he's been having threesomes with his male bestie. Both people have been around me and my family this entire time. We've been married for 15 years. Joke's on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 180

Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 194

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 185

You deserved it 4 065

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 775

You deserved it 13 731

Today, my neighbor complained that the trailers and sheds in my yard are ruining her view. The same neighbor who built her house right above my property, thereby ruining my view, and leaving not even enough space for a hedge in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 90