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Break ups are tough

By ... - 10/02/2010 09:08 - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 196

You deserved it 4 381

By Deadfish - 26/07/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 400

You deserved it 7 149

By poisonhand - 14/01/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 781

You deserved it 2 808

By Investing in Toilet Seatbelts - 14/02/2015 09:46 - United States - Sparks

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 420

You deserved it 3 648

Hey!

By karlajjjjj - 25/10/2013 12:19 - United Kingdom - Cold Ashby

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 347

You deserved it 11 728

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:55 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 822

You deserved it 3 609

By MAC - 13/01/2009 09:47 - France

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 412

You deserved it 3 169

Best foot forward

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 02:02

Today, after a month of things going wrong in my life and finally getting better, I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day. Then, I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 154

By bummed and broke - 13/11/2012 18:24 - United States

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 873

You deserved it 35 013

By NinjaWafflesx - 15/12/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my mother hacked my Facebook and broke up with my boyfriend and pretended to be me. She told him if he ever talks to me again, she'll call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 766

You deserved it 3 965

By Snotmyfault - 11/01/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, at the age of 22, I started eating my boogers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 574

You deserved it 49 406

Huge balls

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 19:04 - United States

Today, I had to pick up my son from school because he was constantly talking about his "Giant pen." In mid-July, I got him a giant-sized pen (writing utensil) and he liked it very much. Apparently, one of the teachers had their mind in the gutter and thought he was talking about… you know what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 150

Solidarity

By CockroachDinner - 26/12/2022 12:00

Today, after I continued repairs on the home of a hoarder family member, guess which one of us wasn't invited to the family dinner… FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 118

By brownunderwear - 14/12/2011 03:45 - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 790

You deserved it 7 888

By slypher25aussie - 09/11/2012 07:26 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 650

You deserved it 2 387

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the airport for my two week trip to explore Europe. My ticket was denied and the workers turned me away. When I asked why, they told me to check the date. My ticket was for June 22nd, not July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 650

You deserved it 62 208

Outta control

By brother - 21/05/2024 21:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my little sister about trying to hook up with my friends. Married or not. She just turned 18 but I’m hoping this was the first and last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 93

By beurk - 06/02/2015 05:18 - France - Paris

Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 65

By dee - 10/12/2011 10:14 - United States

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 816

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 04/02/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 811

You deserved it 7 818

They targeted gamers

By DSK - 09/01/2023 15:00

Today, my girlfriend once again insisted that she didn't have a problem with my gaming. Considering that every day I find my PC desk covered in junk, and all my consoles disconnected, somehow I don't think she's telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 318

Dream on

By No more monkeys! - 28/05/2024 07:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband’s dream has always been to have a big family. I however cannot physically or mentally handle having any more. He’s now threatening to hire a surrogate to continue pumping out babies for him. We already have 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 135

By lonestar - 03/02/2010 13:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 186

You deserved it 5 705

Not the brightest star

By Anonymous - 30/05/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I watched on camera as my son tried to light a bonfire and set fire to my shed. Props to him, he ran to get my mini fire extinguisher from the car, but he pulled the pin then THREW THE EXTINGUISHER INTO THE FIRE. The dumb SOB thought mini extinguishers worked like grenades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 174

By oneiPodlighter - 10/10/2013 03:03 - United States - Conshohocken

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 984

You deserved it 24 838

Stuck

By Forgetfull - 02/02/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 752

You deserved it 26 640

Easy listener

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 08:06

Today, on the phone, my boyfriend was complaining about the heat. When I told him that it wasn't hot where I live, at all, but that I had trouble sleeping due to stress, he replied, "Because of the heat, right? What else can it be?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 252

Commodity consumption

By Anonymous - 17/01/2023 18:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend helped me move some things into storage, all while complaining about the amount of stuff I own. He's the one who keeps buying me things I don't need or want, even though I tell him every year I wouldn’t mind getting no gifts at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 185

By ThatWasntFun - 29/01/2015 21:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 2 442

By Joey - 30/01/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 067

You deserved it 3 381

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The Top

Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 509

You deserved it 4 157

Today, in my years of experience with skin problems, I've had boils appear in the most horrible spots you can imagine. Still, nothing compares to having like 4 or 5 in roughly the same area, especially if that area is somewhere hard to reach. Somewhere like the back of your neck. Welcome to my hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 63

Today, I got invited to a cookout. The host apologized as I got there because the hamburger meat had gone bad, and all they had were hot dogs, which I can't eat because they give me the runs. It was either that or starve, because I don't get paid until tomorrow. I wrote this on my ninth trip to the can this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 215

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 857

You deserved it 2 835

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 912

You deserved it 5 488

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 762

You deserved it 34 266