The Top

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Picked

By sadsenior - 13/03/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 611

You deserved it 10 086

People never learn

By fmyboss - 13/10/2019 07:00

Today, I was made fun of at work by my mom and my supervisor. I work at a kids' anti-bullying camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 220

Technique

By Anonymous - 12/07/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 748

You deserved it 29 761

We're all that one person

By Foreveralone - 15/10/2019 00:01

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that that person is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 181

By fuckedover - 26/02/2013 16:43 - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 479

You deserved it 4 691

By powsser - 11/03/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 434

You deserved it 5 723

By AmericanAlien - 09/03/2014 02:15 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the mail. It has been two months. I reviewed my application and realized I forgot to put a mailing address down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 941

You deserved it 20 125

By davey d - 15/03/2012 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 010

You deserved it 13 272

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 04:38 - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 800

You deserved it 4 368

By nononame - 10/03/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 198

You deserved it 4 192

Get back

By Rebeccs - 14/08/2022 20:00 - Canada

Today, my cat escaped through my front door. It was dark out, so I had no idea where I was going. I finally caught up to him in my neighbour’s lawn and I gave him heck for scaring me. It took me a minute to realize I was actually talking to a bush in their flowerbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 349

By augiedd - 05/03/2014 02:46 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 856

You deserved it 7 466

Common sense

By blob - 21/02/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect." I need this class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 009

You deserved it 2 754

Is there anybody out there?

By Natalie - 11/06/2021 09:01 - United States

Today, I started my treatment for dental aligners. I talked to myself a bit to see how I sounded and it turns out that I have a small lisp. I wanted to share how I sounded with someone, then I realized I don't have anyone I can call. I have to wait 3 days until someone can hear my funny new lisp at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 145

DIABEETUS

By Diabeetus - 21/08/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, after finding out that my mom is diabetic last year in November, this July a good friend of mine died from diabetes. I also found out that my dad is diabetic, as well as my grandma. It would appear that Wilford Brimley hates my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 130

By adopted - 03/03/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 478

You deserved it 8 588

By lovewedge - 09/03/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 098

You deserved it 23 562

Halotus goes blind

By samadams42 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "just in case it isn't safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 713

You deserved it 3 146

You, your sex is on fire

By Anonymous - 26/08/2022 18:00

Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 1 186

By jill - 25/02/2014 16:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 097

You deserved it 8 191

By kitkat1603 - 16/06/2010 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 991

You deserved it 7 775

Surprise!

By Muscle - 06/03/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two-month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with silk-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said, "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 191

You deserved it 3 982

By loser - 09/05/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 737

You deserved it 13 075

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 23:01 - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 950

You deserved it 3 041

Alert!

By DamnDogs - 05/03/2012 10:28 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 618

You deserved it 4 080

By hoovered - 04/03/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 084

You deserved it 22 471

Scammers gonna scam

By Hady - 25/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that the $100,000 scholarship I "won" was a scam. I found it on a website. When I won, they asked for a "processing fee" that I begged my brother to let me borrow. The website has vanished into internet wasteland and I have no way of paying back the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 2 280

By Tomb Raider Wannabe - 18/02/2014 01:57 - Australia - Premer

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 954

You deserved it 43 954

By goingnowherefast - 09/02/2013 00:19 - United States - Butler

Today, after three and a half years of working dead-end jobs with a bachelor's degree, I got a call from a potential employer in my degree field, who wanted to set up an interview. The problem: the interview is across the country, and I'm too broke to pay the travel expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 772

You deserved it 2 593

Major romcom vibes

By staciedee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 601

You deserved it 5 037

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, two guys robbed me. As I wrestled them on the ground, my best friend just stood next to all this, telling me to give them the money already, or we'd be late for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 251

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 243

You deserved it 3 053

Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 935

You deserved it 242

Today, I threw away a bunch of candy wrappers from my pocket, I also managed to throw away $20. That was the only money I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 502

You deserved it 11 520

Today, I used the “Find My…” app to locate a missing AirPods. Good news: I found them. Bad news: they are inside my dog’s belly. Next stop: Emergency vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 180

Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 038

You deserved it 320