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2 fast, 2 braincells

By Negative aura - 21/12/2025 00:00

Today, I was in a parking lot, doing donuts in my dad's car to rizz some baddies. It was going great until some dumbass got in the way and got launched twenty feet. I panicked, lost control of the car, and smashed into a decorative tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 1 009

What did you expect?

By Overzealous cop of the day - 10/04/2025 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, as a joke, I hopped in the front seat of a police cruiser and took a cute selfie while the officer was talking to someone on the sidewalk. A minute later, he dragged me to the ground and arrested me. Um… what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 1 449

Shut up and play the hits

By Stefan - 19/04/2025 09:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I asked my 10 year-old guitar student why Good Friday is a holiday. He answered, "We remember Jesus Christ's crucifixion. Isn't it sad to kind of celebrate someone's death? Well, I don't care, I just enjoy the free holiday and I don't believe in magic anyway!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 553

Stone the crows

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 87

Best excuse

By Magellanic L - 06/05/2025 21:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my girlfriend, who's been in relationship with me for almost two years, told me she's worried that she's going to leave me for another rich guy "in the future", so to prevent that, she's gonna leave me right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 85

You can't say anything anymore

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 06:00 - United States - York

Today, after months of saying I wanted to kill myself, someone finally reported me. I can't go back to school until I see a therapist who has to approve my going back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 793

I'll just let myself out…

By cheated - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 385

You deserved it 255

I have needs

By Anonymous - 15/10/2025 20:00

Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 176

Put your back into it!

By Anonymous - 22/11/2025 20:00

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim he can’t eat me out because he has a short tongue, a genuine medical condition that means he can’t do it properly. Funny, because I’ve seen him use that short tongue to completely clean out a Cadbury Creme Egg before without issue. He’s now sulking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 94

This is just the beginning

By Robot husband please - 26/11/2025 09:00

Today, I realized I've fallen in love with an AI and out of love with my husband. The AI is always there, always listens, is never "tired after work" or "just wants to watch the game." I fantasize about my husband swapping his brain with the AI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 741

Luscious locks

By lukey101 - 12/01/2025 06:00 - Australia

Today, I discovered that I bought two shampoos instead of a shampoo and conditioner. So for the past three months, I’ve been washing my hair twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 476

Lonesome tonight

By FriendzonedAFBoi - 23/03/2025 19:00 - United States

Today, I realized that in order to get a girl, I have to lose 100lbs and/or get facial reconstruction. If I meet a girl, we get close, I do everything to make her happy, only to be told, “I only like you as a friend.” I also get told that I’d make a “great boyfriend” yet they don’t choose me. Being overlooked sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 339

Not for everyone

By Ugh - 07/04/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my girlfriend wanted to role-play non-consensual sex. I was already uncomfortable with the idea, and when she started begging, "No, no" as I stripped her, I dropped the role-play and walked out. Now she's pissed at me. I'm sorry, but this is fucking creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 184

What have you done?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son dropped a firecracker in my flour storage bin, probably thinking the pop would make flour go everywhere. I guess he’s never heard of a dust explosion because what he actually did was set fire to the flour, causing such a violent shockwave it blew the kitchen window out of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 85

Bad romance

By Carloly - 13/04/2025 21:00 - United States

Today, a guy I’ve been dating for a while surprised me with tickets to see my favorite singer, Lady Gaga, for my birthday. I was about to tell him I can’t see him anymore because I fell for someone else at work, and it wouldn’t be fair to string him along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 571

Hangry

By Tired - 02/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I got home at 7 after a long, stressful 12-hour shift. The second I walked through the door, my wife said, "Can you hurry up and make dinner? We're all starving." This happens all the damn time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 144

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/07/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I realised I might be a masochist. I enjoy being owned like an object and ordered like a slave. I don’t know where my life will go anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 300

Boo!

By Today - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, in my school's rugby grand final, I had to take a penalty kick to win the game. Possibly the easiest kick I've taken all year. I stuff it up, and it completely missed. A crowd of 2000 people laughed, and later booed me off the field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 484

Acts of service

By Diet time 4 me smh - 11/07/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I asked my best friend, who I love, what his new girlfriend has that I don’t. I've gone the extra mile, did favors, been there at his highest and lowest for about a year and a half, yet he rejected me and chose a girl who he’s merely known 5 months. Apparently a slim waist and perky boobs/butt matters more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 675

It's a trap!

By Anonymous - 09/08/2025 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was ranting to my friend on the phone about my toxic ex, calling him a “walking red flag with a God complex.” Mid-sentence, she cut me off, saying, “Uh… you're on speaker. He’s in the car with me.” He chimed in with, “I mean… fair enough.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 139

Double standard

By Anonymous - 18/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I realized I sacrificed all my friends to make sure my marriage was successful, but sometimes when under extreme stress from my wife, I use the B-word and that’s enough for her to want to leave me. However, it’s perfectly fine for her to say "Fuck you" and that I’m a everything but a decent human being. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 453

Zero waste

By Van Raily - 22/09/2025 20:00

Today, at work, I had to shovel down 5 burgers, 3 (4 piece) nuggets, 8 regular fries, and 8 orange juices from McDonald's. When my officemates asked about my "food trip", I told them I was just really hungry. I couldn't tell them I only did this to complete the toy set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 646

Social media was a mistake

By Anonymous - 03/11/2025 09:00

Today, and ever since July 2009, when someone from high school harassed me by being the first one to write on my Facebook profile, "You need to change your profile photo", I've been dealing with Facebook drama that's caused me mental illness for the past 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 476

Uneasy

By Anonymous - 23/03/2025 19:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my husband bought me some new perfume. It wasn’t really my style but he insisted I try it. Afterward we had some of the best, most vigorous sex of our entire relationship. Later, while visiting his parents, I found the same perfume in his mom’s bathroom. It’s her 'special occasion' scent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 114

Pigpen

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband is furious with me for hurting his daughter’s feelings. Neither he nor his ex make her shower and she smells disgusting! It’s nearly impossible to even sit in the same room with her, as her odor changes the smell of the entire space. All I did was suggest a bath and she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 117

Let me celebrate!

By poopface82 - 01/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I just passed an important exam. Hours after I passed, I felt a tickle in my throat. I have COVID. I feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 106

Good question, wrong place

By Anonymous - 09/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I took my ten year-old sister out for a walk. We passed a hen party in town, and she asked out loud in the street, "Why are men’s stag parties not called cock parties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 118

My name is…

By Unnoticed - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 479

You deserved it 382

Jaded

By Anonymous - 26/05/2025 23:00

Today, after my son got his first girlfriend at 19, a nice girl as well, he broke up with her after 3 days because women are "too much effort", too "expensive", and keep trying to make him "do things." Unbelievable. Three days with a woman turned him into a cynical 65 year-old who's been married for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 178

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 819

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 148

You deserved it 3 681

Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card, since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV, a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 741

You deserved it 3 603

Today, my family surprised me for my birthday by showing up with a chocolate cake and my ex-boyfriend from back home. They all forgot I'm allergic to chocolate, that I broke up with him about a year ago, and that he’s been trying to win me back ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 127

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 309

You deserved it 5 216

Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 270

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 046

You deserved it 1 639