Is your autistic child a teenager yet? My daughter started having very violent meltdowns when she hit puberty. Discipline is probably not what they need because they’re so overwhelmed that they cannot control themselves. Find a doctor who specializes in special needs and see if they need a mood stabilizer.

I don't blame them.

correct it does take a village but as the parent YOU still hold largest part of the responsibility when it comes to YOUR child

I agree wholeheartedly with jlc82. That doesn't mean you can just dump your kids on someone else completely. You're all guests at someone's home, and you're still responsible for them. You're taking advantage of your family, and they all know it. 100% YDI.

If your child is incapable of behaving appropriately at family events, then they can't attend family events. That's part of a disability. Maybe you can have a separate event at your house? Or can you talk about reasonable accommodation to handle the predictable issues that accompany your child? If it's just a matter of moving them to a quiet space for an hour or two, that's one thing. If your child poses a danger to themselves, others or the hosts' or guests' property, then that's beyond reasonable expectation.