Intimacy: Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 543

You deserved it 5 810

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Same thing different taste

Good boy, best boy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 14:01

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 418

By Darling_Cherry - 02/01/2010 21:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 174

You deserved it 6 941

Little bundle of fluff

By Anonymous - 23/09/2025 22:00

Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 111

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 345

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02 - Canada

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 301

My one true friend

By When all else fails, talk to the kitty - 21/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 104

By izu - 16/09/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 223

You deserved it 2 758

By Jack - 10/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 672

You deserved it 2 515

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 505

You deserved it 4 522

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 535

You deserved it 21 939

Next

Top comments

Calen5556 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat

klimp 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?

Comments

yscpunkchick 14

Monday 30 January 2012 7:51

Uhhh...... Wrong pussy dude.

jessimica642 8

Monday 30 January 2012 8:13

I love cats... Sorry I'm getting a little emotional. I just love them so much... I want to hug (sob) every cat in the word. But I can't cuz that's crazy! But I want too!

tylerryder 4

Monday 30 January 2012 8:36

What the **** do you do with your cat?!?!

EminemHugeFan 0

Monday 30 January 2012 8:55

Forever Alone!

Swagg47 0

Monday 30 January 2012 9:18

Disturbing

Rhysviri 10

Monday 30 January 2012 9:26

Pussy cat, anyone?

ilovekaedyn 0

Monday 30 January 2012 10:00

If I was a cat you you were intimate with me, ****, I'd run too

anonymous1404 1

Monday 30 January 2012 10:19

You should try Eharmony or one of those internet dating sites of something that gets you perfect match. it may help :)

CaptainPickles72 18

Monday 30 January 2012 21:19

Yes, finally a man for all those crazy cat ladies out there!

SxeDaze 13

Monday 30 January 2012 11:34

Dare I say it?? *puts on glasses* looks like these FML Moderators are going to have a ... CATACLYSM moderating all these pussy jokes. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhh!!!

Coffeebang 17

Monday 30 January 2012 14:14

:(

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 872

You deserved it 3 955

Today, I finally had the confidence to show my girlfriend my hairy chest/stomach. I'm very self conscious about it, and get embarrassed easily. She said I looked disgusting, called me Chewbacca and broke up with me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 334

You deserved it 7 166

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 096

You deserved it 8 053

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 333

You deserved it 7 445

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 225

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 397

You deserved it 12 196