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The all-time greatest FMLs

By jessica071509 - 24/04/2012 05:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 362

You deserved it 3 700

Thanks, I hate it!

By pleasebackintomycaragain - 24/04/2009 02:12 - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 361

You deserved it 3 348

Welcome to Capitalism

By school issues - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 349

You deserved it 5 302

By Username - 28/03/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 347

You deserved it 5 472

It's just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 342

You deserved it 4 218

By Catholicguy - 20/12/2009 08:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 341

You deserved it 4 558

By Spotted - 18/02/2009 22:09 - Canada

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 3 977

Still better than the Emoji movie

By probablydodgedabullet - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Wollongong

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a text message consisting solely of emoticons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 333

You deserved it 4 729

By thissinglelife - 06/09/2013 06:42 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 333

You deserved it 3 132

By kelly - 21/03/2011 07:07 - Estonia

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 330

You deserved it 4 786

By fearofzombies - 13/08/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 327

You deserved it 13 264

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 326

You deserved it 7 902

Amazing idea, idiots

By zain - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 324

You deserved it 3 754

By Someone - 22/02/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, someone started an event on Facebook for tomorrow called Kick A Ginger Day. Over 300 people are attending. There are only two redheads in my school, and I'm one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 323

You deserved it 9 304

SK8ER

By Boarder - 01/06/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 320

You deserved it 5 459

Yeesh

By NewFiancee - 11/08/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 319

You deserved it 9 649

By Eva - 13/02/2011 09:32 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend woke me up by playing with the string of my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 315

You deserved it 6 603

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 07:39 - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 309

You deserved it 5 990

By kids say the darnedest things - 19/07/2014 02:56 - United States - Denver

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 309

You deserved it 7 139

Never ever

By notgettinsome - 10/11/2013 06:15 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 307

You deserved it 5 237

By Ouchies - 01/10/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 305

You deserved it 3 800

By ewhy - 23/04/2014 18:37 - United States - Merced

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 303

You deserved it 8 872

ewhy tells us more.

ewhy 9

Thursday 24 April 2014 3:22

Hey guys ! OP here. To the people that say he might not be that bad: I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to keep talking to a person that has a foot fettish, call me shallow but I'm not only about looks. He's cute and all but I wouldn't be able to get past it. I gave him my number exactly to get to know him, this was yesterday. This morning he started with the pictures of toes. The only reason he started with pictures of toes is because he saw my feet in a picture I had sent of the jeans I was wearing earlier. I just stopped texting him, wish me the best! Thanks for the feedback!!

Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 302

You deserved it 9 824

Stay classy

By kimboslice106 - 08/06/2011 05:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was, "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 301

You deserved it 14 188

By xoVioLoveox - 10/03/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year-old boy. He decided we would play with Nerf guns with Velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck to his pants, and he wiggled it for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 300

You deserved it 13 280

Truth bomb

By cdaniel2 - 12/02/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 298

You deserved it 4 648

Spotted it

By dollabill009 - 06/06/2013 08:49 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large muscular man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 298

You deserved it 8 564

By iwantmoney - 22/07/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 287

You deserved it 5 126

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Spicy

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 284

You deserved it 17 578

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 280

You deserved it 7 793

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Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 153

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 091

You deserved it 4 269

Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 268

You deserved it 353

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 734

You deserved it 3 891

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 873

You deserved it 4 511

Today, it was my 23rd birthday. I didn't make it to my party because I was rear-ended on the way there by a 16-year-old in a red mustang going 50+ mph. My birthday cake landed in my lap and I was yelled at by his mother for getting chocolate icing on their insurance card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 969

You deserved it 327