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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 17:32 - Canada

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with Tic Tacs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 158

You deserved it 4 230

Ouchie

By shadowednavi - 26/04/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right, and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping, as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 156

You deserved it 3 876

By bananna - 29/05/2014 15:18 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 156

You deserved it 6 114

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I covered for my friend at work because he said he was having car troubles and was going to be late. Two hours into the shift, I got a call from my roommate asking why my girlfriend had moved out. Turns out, I'd covered my friend's shift so he could help my girlfriend move out behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 153

You deserved it 3 279

By goddamitme - 21/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 153

You deserved it 12 938

By Sarah - 01/01/2013 15:15 - United States

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 150

You deserved it 5 573

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 148

You deserved it 7 037

By heyyoitsapotato - 31/05/2013 02:35 - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 148

You deserved it 3 303

Nervous

By kezbabes - 03/05/2014 18:15 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was driving my grandpa to the store because his car is in the shop. I was well within the speed limit, but he kept yelling at me for "speeding", then accused me of trying to give him a heart attack, and eventually pulled the e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 147

You deserved it 3 939

By Anonymous - 18/09/2013 17:41 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 143

You deserved it 8 221

By Anonymous - 02/10/2013 12:17 - United States - Southfield

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 143

You deserved it 4 505

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 04:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 142

You deserved it 9 061

Just Say Yes

By bringthemback - 29/03/2014 10:34 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 141

You deserved it 4 259

By stalkered - 22/07/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 140

You deserved it 3 098

Y'all need Jesus

By TNDriver - 16/07/2013 13:12 - United States - Jackson

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said, "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 140

You deserved it 15 105

New creepypasta

By pokeballbra - 17/10/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with, "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 139

You deserved it 4 087

STOP SCREAMING

By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 12:10 - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 139

You deserved it 27 100

Spooky

By dear god help me. - 04/09/2013 22:46 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 137

You deserved it 3 551

No good deed…

By Dinho - 15/05/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, I was in a public bathroom, when a little boy walked in and he had an 'accident'. He asked if I could help him clean it up, so I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 135

You deserved it 6 677

By KP - 25/06/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 135

You deserved it 3 098

Bushy

By bluedevil26 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 131

You deserved it 12 776

Love is love

By o___O" - 10/05/2013 20:11 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 131

You deserved it 4 766

Infuriating

By Lauren - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full-time job at one work place would be too "depressing." I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 127

You deserved it 8 838

By dantko - 01/01/2014 05:04 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 125

You deserved it 5 325

By nsJ - 15/07/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 122

You deserved it 3 545

Party girl

By not-so-happy-feet - 14/06/2009 23:41 - Canada

Today, I was at my friend's birthday party, dancing barefoot because my feet hurt from my shoes' heels. Apparently, someone dropped a glass on the dancefloor and didn't warn anybody. I ended up having to drive myself to the emergency room because all my friends were "having too much fun to leave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 119

You deserved it 6 488

By Bnewlove - 31/07/2013 04:50 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 117

You deserved it 5 276

By blahblah493 - 26/05/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 115

You deserved it 6 648

Little shit

By scotsgal - 05/01/2014 05:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 115

You deserved it 5 096

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 11:17 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 114

You deserved it 2 101

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal belongings break down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 259

You deserved it 3 282

Today, my boss insisted we need to "do team bonding" so the deal was we all go bowling. I couldn't give a shit if they live or die, so ended up telling them I had COVID, just so I couldn't attend. Stick me on a desert island on my own and I'm in Utopia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 668

Don't hate me please!

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 84

Today, my fiancé and I got a joint account recently, but when I got home he was on the phone to the bank claiming our credit card number was cloned, because of the ridiculous number of random purchases. I checked my online banking. It was all just my normal buying habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 710

Today, my hair is so long hair that it touches my shoulders now. My father attempted to bribe me into cutting my hair several times. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 265

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 243

You deserved it 8 234