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Open up

By Anonymous - 18/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 89

Not technically front row, then

By Jenny - 09/06/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, after I bought front-row tickets thanks to six months of saving, it was finally showtime. The person in front of me turned out to be really, really tall and wore a cowboy hat the entire show. Every photo I took looks like I paid $300 to watch the back of a hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 86

Popping

By Anonymous - 11/06/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Colwyn Bay

Today, my in-laws were visiting from Texas, so I made a brisket, smoked for 10 hours on the barbecue, and it was perfect. Alas, when my husband cut the meat, he burst a perfectly cooked cyst the size of a lemon that stank the whole house out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 81

Better call Saul

By Anonymous - 12/06/2026 12:00 - Belgium - Herentals

Today, because my lawyer made a mistake in 2013, I have to pay a fine of over 500.000 euros. I don't have that kind of money. The lawyer is of course completely of the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 52

Tight family unit

By Empathylevel0 - 29/05/2026 03:00 - Denmark

Today, after months of couple's therapy for a lack of empathy, I'm up for an operation in the butt, so I asked if he could take two days off work in the days following. He said no and suggested the first week of July. The second week of July I'll be going with our three children to a family sports camp for a week. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 84

Foul language

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my whole family ganged up on me because I called my 9-year-old niece a cunt. The little brat purposely ruined my son's final science project for school and caused him to get a zero, even though we wrote a note to the teacher explaining what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 115

Nailed it

By Anonymous - 14/05/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, after my husband yelled at me for wasting money by getting my nails done, I decided to buy the supplies and watch YouTube to figure out how to do them myself. He then yelled at me for wasting money on the supplies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 161

Extra NSFW

By WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK - 31/05/2026 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend told me how she got the scars on her legs. I'd assumed they were self-harm scars. Nope, apparently getting sliced up turns her on, and if I want a good sex life, I'd better get used to cutting her thighs with a razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 101

Donut scandal

By Not a Kevin here - 10/06/2026 15:00 - Philippines

Today, in the doughnut shop I usually go to, I bought 3 dozen to take home. A new clerk rang me up and, with an attitude, said the store is cashless only now. Despite me showing cash to pay with like I always do, I was judged by other customers as if I was a deadbeat. She then threw a fit for cancelling and returning the items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 83

Think globally

By Bloody tears - 27/05/2026 00:00 - Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, my husband got so worked up in an argument that his blood pressure spiked and he burst a vein in his eyeball. He was arguing with a guy on the internet, trying to convince him that Donald Trump is evil. We're not even American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 184

Happy V-Day

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a DM from an unknown sender saying “Happy Anniversary.” It was my 11th grade boyfriend and the “Anniversary” was of us losing our virginity to each other. This happened over 20 years ago! I’ve blocked his creepy ass more times than I can count, but he just won’t stay away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 43

The good old days

By Anonymous - 23/05/2026 22:00 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I don’t normally keep track of the latest fast food menu items (or prices) so when I pulled into the drive-thru line at McDonald's and after I started scanning the menu, the worker asked for my order. I asked, “Where’s the dollar menu or whatever?” They replied, "Probably in the 1990s.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 166

YouTube crime degree

By Anonymous - 12/06/2026 03:00 - Canada - Fort Nelson

Today, I got contacted by an arm-chair detective do-gooder who was convinced my dad is a serial killer. I asked around and it turns out the do-gooder is actually prime suspect for a local murder and dismemberment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 49

See you next week

By Anonymous - 07/06/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the dentist. Normally I walk out with no work to be done as he says my teeth are always great. I thought it was weird this time that he was scraping and pushing at my tooth when he usually doesn't. I'd walked in with a full set of teeth, walked out with a dentist-caused chipped tooth and a filling booked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 42

Hydrate

By Hannah - 21/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, after hard manual labor in the hot sun, I am extremely sore even at rest and my pee is the color of Coca Cola. I told my dad this and he told me to “buck the fuck up” and do more manual labor tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 142

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, I walked to the grocery store despite being out of shape since it was typically only a 30 minute walk and gas prices are bad. The hourly temperature on my weather app was wrong as usual so by the time I got to the store, I was sweating buckets. By the time I got back home, I was so overheated I nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 143

Memory hole

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 12:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about plans I've made for next week with his cousin. “What?” he says, “This is the first time I’m hearing of this!” No honey, it's actually the second time I’ve told you about it in as many days, including the exact explanation of how these plans came to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 91

Snitches get stiches

By Anonymous - 30/05/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my so-called son told me that I'm never going to see my grandchildren again because I caught him cheating on his wife (in MY home and in MY bed!) and ratted him out to her so now they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 69

Curiousity killed the radio star

By Ash - 30/05/2026 09:00 - Belgium - Lier

Today, my friend didn't believe me when I was bragging about how good of a boyfriend my partner finally was. She told me to prove it because he had cheated before. I opened his Instagram and the first DM opened was him cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 257

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2026 12:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, I got my mom (who is a diabetic) a set of sugar-free chocolates for Mother's Day. Everything was fine on that day, and my mom decided to share them since I bought a good sized box. I was perfectly fine, but my mom had explosive diarrhea for the rest of the day. I'll never buy THOSE again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 104

Strange encounter

By Anonymous - 24/05/2026 12:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I finished a very difficult order and brought it to a client's house. He greeted me at the door in his underwear, and thanked me by kissing me. Now his whole neighbourhood probably thinks we're gay, even though I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 87

Safe in the closet

By Anonymous - 04/06/2026 09:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I realized I'd spent 14 months giving my love to a closeted lesbian, who used me like an emotional vampire to hide. She cried about her ex leaving her for a man, then did the same to me. She's a parasite jumping from host to host because she's too cowardly to be honest. I’m just her latest supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 78

Stained for life

By Anonymous - 07/06/2026 03:00 - China

Today, someone left a lipstick in a public laundry machine of our student dormitory. Then, an hour ago, when I put my laundry in it (including my underwear), I didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 72

Cue "Once in a Lifetime" by Talking Heads

By Disoriented - 30/05/2026 15:00 - Germany

Today, my life is moving too fast. Just yesterday I was at college earning a small stipend, which felt like i could buy the world with. Suddenly, I'm married, with kids, and a house, and a negative balance the day after receiving my salary, just because my kids needed new shoes for school. How did I get here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 218

No can do

By off - 11/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my parents told me I have a bunch of chores to do today, no excuses. I have severe diarrhea and can’t leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 68

This time it's personal

By Anonymous - 18/05/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I am completely mortified. At my father-in-law's funeral, my husband put a bottle of beer on the coffin and announced to the room his dad was such a tight-fisted sod, it was the first drink he’d ever had on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 108

Pipe down

By Anonymous - 15/05/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband is threatening divorce because I loudly objected at his daughter's wedding and made a scene. His daughter is 19 and got married to a 40-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 478

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 22/05/2026 20:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 86

The Sopranos? Baywatch?

By Not GOT - 21/05/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of saying “I actually liked the ending” during a conversation about a famously hated TV finale. Three people turned towards me like I’d confessed to a crime. One guy spent ten minutes explaining why my opinion proved “everything wrong with modern audiences.” I'd never even met him before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 120

Winning, so much winning

By Cheated - 13/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I won a free year's supply of coffee in a contest. Turns out "a year's supply" meant 12 coupons for small coffees, one per month. The giant ceremonial check they gave me was worth more than the prize. I hope the publicity they got out of me was worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 48

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The Top

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 386

You deserved it 2 916

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 160

You deserved it 42 123

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 496

You deserved it 74 885

Today, I met my wife’s father, an alcoholic who'd abandoned her, for the first time. She now has to support him financially. The guy is a piece of shit, but after we left, she fucked me more vigorously than I thought possible. I’m planning to see this turd again, just for the benefit of my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 1 573

Today, my coworker, who constantly no-shows, ranted to me about his work hours being reduced. He somehow doesn't realize that he's the problem. We're understaffed as of now, so they can't fire him, and I have to be there constantly to make up for him being a lazy ass. My days off have been few and far between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 107

Today, I was in the store when a man started chatting me up. He was good looking and charming. He asked, “So, what are you, 22-23?” I saw him visibly recoil in disgust when I told him my real age. I’m only 35, he was about 50, but he acted like he couldn’t runaway fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 104