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Thanks, I hate it

By wowgranny - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Tooele

Today, my grandma told me that I'm starting to look like my sister. I jokingly replied, "Uh-oh I'm in trouble then." She gave me a very disapproving look and said, "You should be happy. She's beautiful, unlike you." FML

agreeclassic 9 040

vote type 1 1 441

As usual

By jadakorn - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

agreeclassic 47 426

vote type 1 29 692

Smoke signals

By rejected - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

agreeclassic 1 961

vote type 1 380

Not on the weekend

By jtaylor94 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

agreeclassic 19 504

vote type 1 43 178

Unionize!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

agreeclassic 52 754

vote type 1 7 530

Maddening

By ballnchain - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

agreeclassic 48 935

vote type 1 20 122

Left behind

By happysingleone - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, the last of my college friends is getting married and now I'm the last single one. Don't worry though, if one ever gets a divorce we can hang out again. FML

agreeclassic 9 160

vote type 1 1 205

Just a friend

By UnluckyTh1rteen - this FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend went to get coffee with a friend. As a joke, I texted him to ask how his date with his other girlfriend was going. It really was a date, and apparently it went very well. FML

agreeclassic 2 208

vote type 1 287

End of the line

By almost - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a rollercoaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

agreeclassic 4 668

vote type 1 399

Wet leg

By meep - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

agreeclassic 5 086

vote type 1 497

NSFW FML

By Fireguy92 - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Dewitt

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

agreeclassic 45 176

vote type 1 2 656

Outcasts

By Deadpool - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Weaverville

Today, it appears that the cousin who burglarized my house and threatened to kill my wife, daughter, and me during a meth binge is more welcome at a family reunion than we are. We were assured last year by family that this wouldn't happen, because we are "good people who have wronged no one." FML

agreeclassic 2 628

vote type 1 289

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 23 601

vote type 1 1 756

Fair and balanced

By faeliality - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that yes, you CAN forget how to ride a bike. Too bad I discovered this in front of all my son's friends and their parents while at his birthday party. FML

agreeclassic 10 302

vote type 1 1 574

Happy memories

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

agreeclassic 27 562

vote type 1 2 271

Oi! Get back here!

By magicman - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

agreeclassic 34 885

vote type 1 17 718

Oh no, oh no no no

By lauziej93 - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Spain - Logroño

Today, my mother-in-law became my boss. FML

agreeclassic 26 243

vote type 1 2 040

Whodunnit

By emily - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cellphone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

agreeclassic 44 422

vote type 1 4 365

Pain like no one has ever seen before

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

agreeclassic 31 354

vote type 1 5 869

Make your mind up

By Jason Brazil - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm unproductive, and haven't been doing anything. He doesn't tell me what to do, and expects me to read his mind. When I ask him what he wants me to do, he gets pissed and says that I should already know what to do. FML

agreeclassic 2 200

vote type 1 561

The ball game

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of a sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

agreeclassic 39 140

vote type 1 3 271

Brief encounter

By anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year-old dog that had been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

agreeclassic 45 261

vote type 1 4 064

On my way!

By ButNotBed - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 6am. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 2 640

vote type 1 1 026

The Destroyer

By mr_p - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300-pound man walked out, shook his head, and said, "I'm sorry" to me. FML

agreeclassic 38 548

vote type 1 3 688

Curious minds

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Pratt

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

agreeclassic 37 792

vote type 1 10 873

Nice try

By klutz - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

agreeclassic 14 948

vote type 1 57 274

Last splash

By sicktomystomach - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

agreeclassic 71 230

vote type 1 5 293

How's about now?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I came across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. FML

agreeclassic 45 629

vote type 1 16 408

RIP it up and start again

By A girl - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, it has been 8 months since I started a photography project in which I would take a picture of the same tree every day for a year. I just heard a noise outside. They cut the tree down. FML

agreeclassic 53 285

vote type 1 4 647

MORE! MORE!

By bursteardrums - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

agreeclassic 30 643

vote type 1 11 396

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, a customer handed me the ankle-length hosiery she had just used to try on some shoes, and as I sat there feeling the warm dampness of them in the palm of my hand, she said, "You should throw those away, I have a toe fungus." FML

agreeclassic 33 088

vote type 1 2 938

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

agreeclassic 50 674

vote type 1 16 483

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

agreeclassic 41 461

vote type 1 16 719

Today, we were driving home from NYC to Knoxville after our flight got cancelled, and we had to drive with 3 strangers for 13 hours. We are now stuck in Who-Knows-Where, Virginia, with two blown tires, because a metal plate fell off an 18-wheeler in front of us. FML

agreeclassic 1 828

vote type 1 150

Today, the guy I've been dating and sleeping with told me he is also dating another woman, but that they only kiss. I was under the impression we were exclusive for two months now, since I told him if we slept together that it would be. FML

agreeclassic 2 192

vote type 1 450

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

agreeclassic 30 440

vote type 1 9 512