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Social parasite #7887889098

By Good tenant - 03/05/2019 23:00 - United Kingdom - Consett

Today, my landlord increase my rent because of the "increased value of the flat". Why has the value increased? Because I decorated and replaced the broken fixtures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 185

Both ends

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 691

You deserved it 3 987

By lovehurts - 28/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 876

You deserved it 57 685

By Anonymous - 12/06/2009 06:39 - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 821

You deserved it 11 196

Booming

By Whats a Snorlack - 10/04/2023 03:00

Today, my new (and possibly ex) husband told me he is reconsidering staying married to me. He thinks my snoring is “so unlady like” and he can’t live the rest of his life sleeping with a “fucking Snorlax.” I’ve had sleep apnea since my mid 20s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 192

By anonymous - 28/12/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been secretly madly in love with for 6 years told me "fuck off and stop doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 897

You deserved it 10 355

By Anonymous - 03/10/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 865

You deserved it 34 723

By Idk anymore - 23/07/2019 17:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, I came out to my parents. My mom and dad think that I'm lying, just so I could "fit in" with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 969

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 157

You deserved it 3 980

By C45 - 25/12/2009 20:27 - Canada

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 609

You deserved it 2 597

By littlepsychgirl - 29/09/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 502

You deserved it 2 947

By FlGirl - 24/12/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 735

You deserved it 34 080

By ihatetheholidays - 23/12/2018 20:00

Today my boss informed us that there were no more single shifts we were all working doubles until further notice. Also there’s a way for us to “earn” a half day but we have to out sell everyone else in the office to get it. So being new I haven’t had time off in two weeks... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 206

Man spitting truth bombs over here

By Robert - 19/11/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my cat had died overnight at the vet's. She died alone in the dark, in a cage. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, an old, narcissistic, overweight sack of shit, survived COVID with millions of tax payer dollars in healthcare. I'd rather my cat had been the one to live; at least she made life nicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 1 053

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 572

You deserved it 3 491

We all hate cold callers

By Adrian - 03/02/2022 14:01

Today, while working at my call center, I took a phone call. The guy on the other line just yelled "FUCK YOU!" twice at the top of his lungs before hanging up on me. But of course, the phone agent is always at fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 177

By vhtdgjj - 29/11/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 309

You deserved it 46 985

By f_ck_U - 21/09/2011 06:47 - China

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 172

You deserved it 58 731

f_ck_U tells us more.

f_ck_U 16

Friday 23 September 2011 3:58

more than 100 means those confirmed and posted FMLs. That 500 are those unconfirmed which need you to click Y or N.

"Who wants a dessert?"

By Lewis - 27/12/2018 00:30 - France - Paris

I made a huge mistake...

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 89

By anonymous - 19/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, we've hit day 4 with no hot water in my apartment. Today is also day 4 of the office insisting that the plumber is "on his way". My neighbor just got arrested for screaming at them. Looks like we'll be entering day 5 soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 575

You deserved it 450

By exfishowner - 27/01/2019 12:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter put her grow-in-water salamander in my fish tank. The residue from the toy gummed up the filter and killed all the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 534

You deserved it 360

Gotta start somewhere

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 05:02

Today, I found out my parents paid my "best friend" to be my friend for the past 7 years. She's my only friend too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 121

By lfssecond - 30/05/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 775

You deserved it 25 608

Unsettling

By life of cuck, never good enough - 05/10/2024 00:00 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, not only have I been cheated on in every relationship until where I am right now, I learned my current wife is fucking a guy 15 years younger than us. When we were both his age and post-grad, she turned me down several times. She didn't give me a chance until five years ago when she "wanted to settle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 222

By ilivehere - 17/07/2013 14:20 - United States - Moline

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 627

You deserved it 4 411

By Deaththreat101 - 08/08/2012 20:39 - United States - Evanston

Today, I posted a Facebook status on how I hated the new Batman movie. I'm now single, and have received multiple threats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 399

You deserved it 44 668

By Blackfell - 07/08/2012 17:59 - United States

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 2 588

Profiteering

By Awesome. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 537

You deserved it 5 163

By Godsfavourite - 14/09/2011 05:42 - Australia

Today, I got kicked off the train because I refused to stand for an old lady who wanted to sit down. There was an empty seat right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 902

You deserved it 7 299

Godsfavourite tells us more.

Godsfavourite 4

Thursday 15 September 2011 8:48

The train had those seats that run parallel with the walls of the train, not the window and aisle seats. And I tell you know that the lady was just one of those people that looks down their nose at most youth. I was in no way disrespectful to her and when I pointed out the seat next to me and she went and told the security guards that I refused to stand up for her. It's messed up, man. OP

Innocent

By Luckless - 23/02/2019 04:00

Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 178

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 179

Today, my date saw me naked, and was disgusted that 1. I shaved my pubes into a landing strip instead of completely bald, and 2. I missed a few hairs below my knee while shaving my legs. His actual words as he was half out the door were that he "wanted Princess Leia, not Chewbacca." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 232

You deserved it 288

Today, my family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asked me if that was the first pair of boobs I'd seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 946

You deserved it 27 397

Today, I was in an elevator when some awkward geeky-looking guy walked in. He asked me how my day was, but I said, “You’re not my type, don’t even try.” An hour later, I was at a concert. Turns out he was the lead singer of the opening band. He glared at me angrily when he noticed me in the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 3 116

Today, I found out I have syphilis. I only slept with one person in my entire life, my boyfriend of 2 years. When I told him about it, he burst into tears and said, "It was one time at a company party" and "Maybe if you put some Vagisil or something, it will go away." Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 054

You deserved it 165

Today, the guy I really love, and who apparently loves me too, told me he just can’t be with me because he’s moving away to buy an oyster farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 100