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By khaelian - 08/12/2010 11:47

Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures so that I could identify them. No, I still don't know what they look like, but I have seen their penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 284

You deserved it 17 932

By cjhgvb - 06/11/2014 00:48 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 378

You deserved it 4 241

Bad omen or what?

By Chipper - 09/06/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turned to me and screamed at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 170

You deserved it 51 541

Roommates from hell

By ugh - 30/09/2011 19:45 - United States

Today, after a month of living in a pigsty of an apartment with my roommates, I spent the day cleaning the place out. When everyone returned home, instead of thanking me, all they could do was point out the spots I'd missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 465

You deserved it 3 518

By boobear511 - 03/11/2014 00:26 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 063

You deserved it 4 740

boobear511 tells us more.

boobear511 15

Monday 3 November 2014 17:08

The cat was outside the door, wanting to get in.

Like a virgin

By JustSomeGuy - 30/07/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 129

You deserved it 9 627

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 351

You deserved it 5 932

By the un-loved child - 28/07/2013 22:34 - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 711

You deserved it 3 980

By ThisGirl - 21/08/2012 02:30 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I lost two terabytes' worth of photos to a friend's incompetence. He said he could save me some money and fix my slow computer for free. He ended up wiping the hard drive, and along with it, my photography portfolio from the last five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 316

You deserved it 16 479

By lexyloo - 26/09/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend preferred to delete his account than admit we are in a relationship on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 561

You deserved it 5 787

High tension

By Discipl - 28/10/2014 03:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 128

You deserved it 5 971

By JealousBratMuch - 26/07/2013 00:51 - Canada - High River

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 332

You deserved it 4 138

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with it using metal tweezers. Not only did I forget to unplug the cord and shocked myself, I also ended up breaking the charger completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 904

You deserved it 51 059

Surprise visitor

By j_portal - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Carlstadt

Today, as I was laying in bed in my dark room, with only my phone's light on, a huge moth flew around it and directly into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 504

You deserved it 5 705

By cardsftw - 16/08/2012 19:50 - United States - Compton

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 181

You deserved it 8 419

By BirthdayFail - 14/08/2012 07:57 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my birthday. Today is also the day my grandma died, six years ago. Since then, I get to sit through any sort of attempted celebration while my mom sobs and drinks herself into a stupor in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 516

You deserved it 1 759

School's out for summer, thank God!

By reluctant teacher - 15/06/2019 19:41 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 314

By Treats For Days - 19/07/2013 13:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 128

You deserved it 26 569

Double trouble

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 06:21 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 659

You deserved it 5 679

Our cross to bare

By sierra808 - 31/05/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I was walking on the beach when I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other, I smiled and waved, and as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 570

You deserved it 17 566

By hatemyjob - 15/12/2015 00:15 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, after working at the same place for 3 years, I found out that they are not only cutting my hours but now I have to take orders from some girl I trained because she was promoted over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 520

You deserved it 2 701

By romedizzle - 24/11/2010 09:52 - Canada

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 496

You deserved it 8 295

Together forever

By Will - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 281

You deserved it 5 175

By lame-o-prof - 15/07/2013 21:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 225

You deserved it 4 084

Irony at a base level

By danyelicindereli - 29/05/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 263

You deserved it 48 210

By WTF - 14/07/2013 20:08 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 535

You deserved it 3 891

By unicorn - 13/09/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 754

You deserved it 12 916

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 337

You deserved it 68 771

By Anonymous - 02/03/2019 14:00

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 384

You deserved it 262

Sex ban

By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 347

You deserved it 402

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The Top

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 709

You deserved it 3 248

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 207

You deserved it 73 595

Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 413

You deserved it 3 106

Today, a girl who's in charge of a group project that I get graded on, asked if Bill Gates was a Founding Father. She was totally serious. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 437

You deserved it 2 884

Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 1 932

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 970

You deserved it 573