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By magoo16 - 21/02/2011 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. We were colouring, and she told me she wanted to draw a picture of me. After she was done, she showed me the picture. I'm drawn as a fat cow. The worst part is, the picture actually looks kinda like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 754

You deserved it 10 428

magoo16 tells us more.

magoo16 6

Monday 28 February 2011 5:35

I wrote this FML and... I'm not fat actually, she drew a cow and put a human head on it that actually looked like me. It wasn't the cow part but the head part that looked like me, and she only drew me as a cow because she calls me "Morgy Moo Moo". So no it's not my fault and i shouldn't "Go on a diet" and no i do not have low self-esteem. I just thought it was pretty funny she drew me as a cow! :)

Not a geography major

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 700

You deserved it 65 257

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 09:07 - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 261

You deserved it 2 263

Filth

By roughsexgonewrong - 05/11/2013 18:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 292

You deserved it 11 631

Domestic

By Anonymous - 16/12/2022 15:00

Today, my mom tried to ground me, even though I moved into my own flat to escape her. I told her 'my flat, my rules' so she tried to confiscate my Xbox because 'she’s the boss of me.' The look on her face as the cops took her away was worth the shouting match we’ll have when she makes bail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 930

You deserved it 184

Entitlement

By Anonymous - 02/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, despite the fact that we are well off and desperate to be parents, my sister refuses to let us adopt her unborn baby, and intends to “raise him on her own.” We earn twice what she does and have been trying to conceive or adopt for 7 years, and she doesn’t even have a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 2 593

By bitchasaurusrex - 15/02/2011 21:24 - Canada

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 537

You deserved it 3 423

Listening in

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 03:19 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 554

You deserved it 17 476

Sensitive

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 17:00

Today, my mom had to go off on my grandmother because I don’t have kids yet and she, "wants great grand babies before she dies." My grandmother was going to gift me a baby outfit for me to get another hint. I’m 25 and can’t conceive because of health issues. I may never have my own kids. She knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 588

You deserved it 143

By dealingdave - 19/12/2011 12:24 - United States

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 349

You deserved it 3 053

dealingdave tells us more.

dealingdave 3

Tuesday 20 December 2011 0:36

I did not ground the boy. I simply told him his entire life belongs to me now until he's 18!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 704

You deserved it 69 550

Wrong drugs

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 164

You deserved it 85 203

Slacker

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 08:00 - United States - Babylon

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 125

We can tell

By Mkimmi - 12/02/2015 07:39 - United States - State College

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 3 726

By CatLitterLover - 08/02/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 131

By mrmr - 07/02/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 3 031

Slippery

By charliebravo77 - 09/12/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 447

You deserved it 4 413

By didi - 05/01/2009 10:45 - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 855

You deserved it 19 609

By XxOx - 04/02/2010 01:18 - France

Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 698

You deserved it 7 729

By pop - 29/12/2008 01:41 - France

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 023

You deserved it 2 019

By hiccups - 03/11/2012 15:52 - United States - New York

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 102

You deserved it 3 706

Basic bitch

By snarly1 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 453

You deserved it 2 189

By Anonymous - 19/07/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone, then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it said, "I'm here for the quicky." Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 302

You deserved it 4 989

By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 451

You deserved it 75 892

By Anonymous - 31/01/2010 13:35 - Canada

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 408

You deserved it 2 733

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 266

You deserved it 9 063

By Anonymous - 22/01/2015 06:41 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 482

You deserved it 5 551

By Weasel123 - 26/10/2012 07:58 - United States - Anadarko

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 976

You deserved it 2 358

Thaw it goes

By CLH - 25/01/2011 18:08 - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 485

You deserved it 6 826

The truth

By Theaccident - 22/01/2011 10:03 - Australia

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 072

You deserved it 3 679

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The Top

Today, after wondering why I didn't receive a grade for a summer course I took in 2007, I realized that I gave the professor the wrong student ID number. Someone else received credit. I've been waiting on this grade for 8 months in order to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 711

You deserved it 31 074

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over two years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 420

You deserved it 4 657

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 758

You deserved it 38 462

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 108

You deserved it 24 893

Today, I got home and my wife asked me to help yell at the kids for ruining over £1000 of her makeup supplies. I did an almost double take at the fact I had no idea she had spent over £1000 just on makeup. No wonder we’re always broke the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 238

Today, at work, I was waiting in line to pay my food at the cafeteria when I noticed the doctor who was in front of me had these really cool looking shoes on. I told him, "I like your shoes!" He turned over, looked at me and didn’t say anything back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 162