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By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 11:57 - United States - Howell

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 847

You deserved it 2 654

By Ggirl - 01/10/2013 19:41 - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 613

You deserved it 15 397

Leaking all over the place

By JR. - 08/08/2020 20:02

Today, my nearly ex-husband called in a panic so I could come rescue the dogs, because he'd called 911 due to a gas leak at the house. I came over, after which the fire department and gas company took a look, and they found the issue. The dog. The dog had farted so bad, it smelled like rotten eggs, and was mistaken for a gas leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 161

By browngirl - 29/09/2013 04:16 - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 880

You deserved it 4 976

What were the chances?

By emilyparra1 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Riverview

Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I walked into the office, the manager said, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 912

You deserved it 2 573

Let it lie

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 14:00

Today, I was so happy to be divorced from my asshole husband, I threw my ring off the bridge near the park where we met. As I was walking away, a diver surfaced, yelled, “I think you dropped this, miss” and threw the ring back at me. I can't catch a break today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 1 322

Mr Loverman

By Anonymous - 14/08/2020 08:01

Today, my boyfriend asked when I was going to bed, because he wanted to have sex. With himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 310

Running

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 08:00 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I'm a teacher and was diagnosed with a sinus infection and UTI. The doctor warned me the two antibiotics may cause the runs. My doctor was right, they did, during class. I made it to the bathroom, did the deed, only to find out there was no toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 93

Mr Rogers

By JWhite - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 697

You deserved it 2 742

Plumbing issues

By Anonymous - 25/01/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 3 252

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 703

You deserved it 13 861

Stiff

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 05:02

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 485

By Hair problems - 20/10/2018 12:00

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 306

You deserved it 1 278

By thesixth - 01/03/2016 19:07 - Kenya

Today, I got fired for being late. Apparently you're supposed to be on time after your boss specifically tells you that the office will open an hour late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 431

You deserved it 1 865

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 187

You deserved it 4 221

Insurance is a scam

By Zanquis - 30/12/2016 19:04

Today, I got stuck with a water-damaged kitchen. The manufacturer says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's a user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 214

By Sara - 25/02/2016 07:39 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I paid $50 to go to a war museum. It was so boring that I fell asleep standing up, lost my balance and faceplanted the floor right in front of our tour guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 240

You deserved it 5 798

By anonymous - 16/11/2011 03:17 - Canada

Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 460

You deserved it 33 941

Trial and mainly error

By unlucky - 13/11/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I have done enough trials to confirm that I puke after each time I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 685

You deserved it 4 542

My ex

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 20:09 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I'd recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 905

You deserved it 5 098

By Anonymous - 07/10/2012 05:03 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 327

You deserved it 5 118

Training day

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 558

You deserved it 24 661

Suspicious

By BilletsDoudous - 15/01/2015 06:51 - France

Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 475

You deserved it 3 407

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 18:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 958

You deserved it 3 942

Dog Lover Struggles

By FML Videos - 10/10/2018 18:30

Dance like nobody's watching!

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 109

Fun times

By KeepinItInTheFamily - 28/10/2018 05:00

Today, my future sister-in-law told me that not only will I have to host her bachelorette party at my new, still under construction house, but she has also booked a sex consultant to come and give a toy presentation. There's a $350 minimum spend. Only 5 people are coming, 4 of which are family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 301

You deserved it 361

DIY decoration tips

By CoyoteOldOne - 12/09/2020 08:59 - United States - Denver

Today, I got an empty peanut butter jar to put my used insulin needles in so nobody gets stuck. My husband washed it for me. He also wrote all over it: "Fuck off!" "Sharp!" "Do not fucking touch!" "Go away!" "Do not fucking throw away!" Thanks, sweetie. Now it looks like a crazy guy shouting on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 322

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 05:14 - Canada - North Battleford

Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 275

You deserved it 1 730

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 6 641

By ugadawgs09 - 02/11/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 536

You deserved it 14 263

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after years of going through hell to get my tonsils removed as an adult, I found out that they were my first line of defense against allergies. I used to have a very light reaction. Now my doc is making personal calls to get me to an allergist immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 676

You deserved it 600

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 229

You deserved it 721

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 310

You deserved it 3 155

Today, I decided to turn over a new leaf. I slept eleven hours instead of twelve, with the intention of cutting down to eight. Instead, my body chose to faint from exhaustion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 219

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 169

You deserved it 60 812

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 046

You deserved it 42 490