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OP here, to quote a song from Johnny Clegg "these are the days of miracles and wonders" - my mom called a plumber, now to survive the weekend until help arrives.

By Foster_Em - 04/07/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 275

You deserved it 79 383

By Anonymous - 12/09/2013 22:43 - United States - Toms River

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 129

You deserved it 3 962

Random encounter

By FML_Elle - 06/10/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 992

You deserved it 2 307

By Jeezus - 16/02/2016 03:00 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 297

You deserved it 1 652

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 740

You deserved it 2 959

By Romantic - 15/01/2010 08:33 - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 219

You deserved it 4 162

By IcantDance! - 01/10/2012 16:05 - United States - Daphne

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 369

You deserved it 2 735

New management

By anonix - 21/12/2014 19:08 - Canada

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss's new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off." She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 172

You deserved it 4 410

Let me in

By miley098 - 02/11/2011 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They kept me locked me for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 285

You deserved it 4 795

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 06:32 - Canada

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 003

You deserved it 3 047

By N/A - 25/09/2012 04:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 504

You deserved it 2 844

New skills

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 08:03 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 1 228

By steven - 24/06/2009 15:33 - Canada

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 995

You deserved it 112 590

By thanksad - 23/08/2013 01:38 - United States - Cerritos

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 432

You deserved it 3 699

By anonymous - 19/10/2011 12:19 - Australia

Today, my best friend who I have known for ten years recommended I didn't continue a relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she wanted to go out with me which I was hoping for, for a long time. Turns out she wanted to go out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 977

You deserved it 6 958

By supertacowaffle - 28/11/2014 20:47 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, and for the past few days, there is a musical box stuck somewhere in my attic that randomly plays Christmas songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 3 264

supertacowaffle tells us more.

supertacowaffle 41

Saturday 29 November 2014 16:45

This is my FML :') basically we have a huge box of Christmas decorations up there, but there's hardly any floorboards and they have been put on the spongy floor, and something has moved up there so this box keeps going off, waiting for someone to move it or at least try and get the box out.

By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 450

You deserved it 4 043