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By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 22:27 - United States

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a major scholarship competition. After months of waiting, during which my parents were convinced I had won, I discovered that my entry had never been received. Apparently the woman I had confirmed with had had a long day, and lied so that she could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 963

You deserved it 2 883

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 982

You deserved it 50 641

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 01:24 - United States

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 668

You deserved it 64 349

Balls

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, at 17 years-old my doctor told me my balls are riddled with multiple small cancerous tumours. They are now useless for sperm production and will have to be removed anyway to cure the cancer, but not to worry, for aesthetic reasons they can replace them with silicone balls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 132

Great time to try for a kid

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 14:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 367

By u wot? - 14/02/2015 12:14 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 494

You deserved it 2 346

Do not attempt this at home

By PetiteLover - 28/12/2022 21:00

Spicy

Today, I’m dating a petite girl, and I've had fantasies of picking her up and fucking her in midair. I attempted to try this fantasy last night. I'm now in the hospital with broken and bruised ribs and tailbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 1 666

By jibjab - 11/01/2009 16:46 - Canada

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 095

You deserved it 9 117

By tirf - 09/02/2015 22:58

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 872

You deserved it 11 091

By Simon Cowell - 08/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 269

You deserved it 874

Lingo

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 08:02

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 1 524

Early wake-up

By Bir - 08/12/2019 14:00 - Nepal

Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 177

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

By notsosexy - 18/07/2020 08:01

Spicy

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 794

You deserved it 8 447

By ad4 - 31/01/2011 23:11 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and "Sweet 16" balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I'll be 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 208

You deserved it 4 124

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 02:01

Today, I tend to get bloated in the afternoons when I suffer from stress. Lately, I've been so stressed out that I'm seriously considering buying maternity pants, because not even my stretchiest sweat pants will fit me after 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 253

By joedoe - 18/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 Monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 931

You deserved it 51 607

Uggos R us

By british_babe - 05/10/2013 17:51 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 333

You deserved it 4 343

By With_Love929 - 29/10/2012 21:45 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 551

You deserved it 2 804

By pops up - 01/12/2011 22:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 408

You deserved it 10 661

By Elrond Hubbard - 24/01/2015 19:25 - United States

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 098

You deserved it 2 614

By gmarina789 - 27/01/2011 11:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, and I had an epileptic fit. He had never seen me have one, and it freaked him out. He rang me later to dump me, as he didn't want to go out with someone who acted like a 'spaz' in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 514

You deserved it 4 226

gmarina789 tells us more.

gmarina789 10

Saturday 29 January 2011 3:59

Hey guys, thanks for posting all your comments, I have read them all. Firstly i'd like to say that epilepsy is a condition that can't be helped, so i'm kind of stuck with it and its not necessarily genetic. I am proud of who I am and I wouldn't change who I am even if I could. Secondly, I did tell my ex that I had epilepsy, I told him straight away so he was aware of my condition; to not tell him would have been unfair. Thirdly thanks to all the people who understand what its like and have written messages of support, I really appreciate it. To those who have written 'negative' comments, you are entitled to your own opinion, just don't share it with me. Being called a 'spaz' or saying that 'i'm sick' or 'not normal' is uncalled for. I'm currently studying Medicine at Birmingham Uni to try and help those like me, and all i'm going to say is how ironic would it be if one of you who have said i'm 'not normal' came into a hospital where I was working and I saved your life...I guess you wouldn't be saying stuff then. Again, thanks for all the positive comments :)

By GrippedMyBalls - 15/07/2009 13:21 - Korea Republic of

Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 376

You deserved it 9 046

Another brick in the wall

By Anonymous - 14/11/2021 10:59 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I ran into one of my exes, and she seemed straight up shocked to see me. She said, "OH MY GOD! You're alive?" like I was a suicide risk or something. Nope, turns out her last 3 boyfriends before me were so unstable that when she cheated on them, they killed themselves shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 100

By Kourou - 21/11/2008 12:53 - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 234

You deserved it 3 058

By Bratty son - 23/10/2012 04:25 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 401

You deserved it 59 625

Priorities

By phones - 16/01/2015 17:09 - United States

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 909

You deserved it 9 244

By Jessie - 25/11/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family, "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 514

You deserved it 4 603

Thanks, I hate it

By pinpin - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 103

You deserved it 18 451

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 262

You deserved it 39 810

FML on Facebook

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The Top

The Top

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 129

You deserved it 36 633

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic and trick me into missing my flight, so he could spend another day with me before I have to return to Asia for work. There is nothing romantic about spending 2 hours trying to sort out a new international itinerary with Delta's automated menus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 914

You deserved it 2 281

Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 301

You deserved it 1 586

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 457

You deserved it 317

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I was "changing too much." My big change was a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 155

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 171