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By kaheera4 - 04/04/2014 22:38 - United States

Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 158

You deserved it 3 999

By Bashit - 01/04/2012 01:00 - United States - Bullard

Today, I received a call from the company I applied to, only to have my father pick it up and make fun of the man's accent. They won't call me back or take any of my calls, and my dad is completely unapologetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 574

You deserved it 2 089

Cheap

By dimtsis - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I had to go to counselling as my mother thinks I have an eating disorder. All because I didn't want to eat the crap supermarket lasagna she bought for $2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 183

You deserved it 4 255

By off to the whorehouse, then - 31/03/2014 21:03 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 960

You deserved it 7 814

By disgusted - 29/03/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 943

You deserved it 5 357

By hikari_chan_xo - 28/03/2012 12:00 - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 535

You deserved it 21 297

We meet again

By thammer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Green Bay

Today, I joined a dating site. The first guy it recommended was the stalker I met on the last dating site I used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 299

You deserved it 4 869

Freakout

By Brie - 29/05/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 013

You deserved it 11 777

Sorry Danny de Vito…

By Anonymous - 28/05/2021 14:00

Today, I met my celebrity crush in an official capacity, I was completely tongue tied and when I stood to shake her hand, I tripped and fell with my face in her cleavage. She thought it was funny, but I was mortified and my boss suspended me until security footage proves I didn’t do it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 178

By seriously - 05/03/2013 00:43 - United States - Goshen

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 105

You deserved it 18 524

By shouldagone2work - 24/09/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 078

You deserved it 4 739

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 442

You deserved it 9 447

By Spatch - 24/09/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 266

You deserved it 3 279

Lonely, so lonely

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 11:59 - China - Shanghai

Today, I realised that my social anxiety, fear of people's judgment, social isolation, you name it, have got so bad that I literally have no interests. It got to such a point that I even have nothing to search up in the internet, so I just stare at an empty browser page wondering what should I do with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 215

By Mandy - 20/05/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 197

You deserved it 8 791

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:00 - New Zealand

Today, I'm ignored and bored so much at my dream job that I've started bringing in my fanfiction to write when no one is around. Which is 80% of the day. I'm training to be a civil engineer. My experience writing fanfiction should take me really far in my chosen career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 345

By Winx - 16/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 364

You deserved it 11 721

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 534

You deserved it 4 233

By ImprovTeacher - 16/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 2 427

Better Call Saul

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 16:01

Today, despite having the same parents, I'm a lawyer and my brother is a redneck. He called wanting my advice, because he tried to book a prostitute online but when she turned up, she was a Latvian mail-order bride, and he wants me to fix it with my "big city law degree." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 119

Shenanigans

By seriouslywtf - 09/12/2023 07:00 - British Virgin Islands

Today, I found out that my husband is cheating on me with my ex-boyfriend, who came out about six months ago. We were still friends, and after they met, my husband admitted that he'd always wanted to "experiment." When I confronted them, he shook hands with my ex and said, "Now I get why you choose guys after her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 248

By annoyed - 20/02/2013 20:33 - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 218

You deserved it 2 774

Ad break

By Remy - 17/06/2021 16:01

Today, I had the brilliant idea of scanning my PC in the afternoon, because Malwarebytes told me I might have malware and it's been running hot and slow lately. Five and a half hours later, the scan is 1.3% complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 183

SWERFs gonna SWERF

By Anonymous - 22/08/2022 22:00

Today, my so-called feminist daughter somehow found out I briefly worked as a prostitute when she was a teenager, and has stopped speaking to me. I haven’t the heart to tell her it was the only way I could afford to send her to college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 358

The long goodbye

By Anonymous - 22/12/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around when her dad burst in, proclaimed an, “Aha! I caught you you pervert!” moment and threw me out of the house. We’re in our 30s with kids, and jointly own that house. Having a father in law with Alzheimer's is great isn’t it? Just fecking great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 147

Dating is hell

By Th3BaconNinja - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 841

You deserved it 6 123

By Noname - 05/03/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 468

You deserved it 4 063

Acrophobia

By Matthew Smith - 21/06/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my new drone got stuck on the neighbour's roof. I'd bought the drone to look at my roof because I don’t like going up on ladders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 660

It's probably considered art

By firestar772 - 11/02/2013 15:48 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 043

You deserved it 4 479

By Anonymous - 06/05/2011 18:09 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 705

You deserved it 52 154

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, our little family business was asked to do a presentation at my daughter's school. When we got there and I saw her, I waved to her happily but she totally blanked me, plus my super strict mom smacked me on the back of the head for embarrassing her by not acting professionally while I was technically working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 182

Today, I filed for divorce after only two months because my husband would not allow my kids to attend their father's funeral. I know it's necessary and I have to get my kids away from this prick, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 137

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 428

You deserved it 8 877

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 256

You deserved it 4 765

Today, I spent the first day of my senior year in the ER because my new ear piercing got so infected that the doctors had to cut the earring out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 753

You deserved it 967

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook from my sister who lives 8 hours away in another province. They made the decision 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 597

You deserved it 266