The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Shit happens

By DEAD inside - 15/11/2018 08:30 - United States - Pomona

Today, I woke up and brushed my teeth as usual. My brother had decided it would be a good time to prank me and rubbed a ton of salt into my toothbrush. A while later, he stood outside the bathroom door repeatedly saying sorry. It was Epsom salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 686

You deserved it 166

Pissed

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 696

You deserved it 3 082

Get the hint

By -.- - 24/08/2013 23:54 - United States

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 326

You deserved it 8 113

By my face though - 25/01/2016 17:04 - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 842

You deserved it 2 460

By skinny dipper - 21/10/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 068

You deserved it 12 780

By meantowheels - 21/06/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 122

Happy memories

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 564

You deserved it 2 272

Who sharpens screwdrivers?

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 14:01

Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 121

Creepy

By bubba - 17/10/2011 10:02 - China

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 478

You deserved it 5 393

By hatemyluck - 10/09/2012 02:12 - United States - Bronx

Today, my boyfriend was showing me photos on his iPod when he came across a photo of a half-naked girl. He tried to play it off by quickly changing it, only to reveal even more half-naked girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 3 279

By anon - 16/01/2016 23:15 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need to find a new job and a new flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 771

You deserved it 21 279

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 761

You deserved it 3 341

Rumbled

By apparentlyugly - 15/06/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself, so I said that I was fun, attractive, and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year-old sister walked up to me and screamed, "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 407

You deserved it 15 246

By HedgehogFace - 29/11/2018 03:00

Today, my science teacher said I looked like a hedgehog, then had the whole class take a vote. They voted unanimously that yes, I do look like a hedgehog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 938

You deserved it 280

By noname1025 - 04/09/2012 16:44 - United States - Lamar

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 617

You deserved it 54 236

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 074

You deserved it 2 453

Nice try

By johnnycomehelpme - 14/11/2014 00:59 - United States - Skokie

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. Her excuse? I was the one that had initially introduced them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 106

You deserved it 3 807

You OK dude?

By kvdfan - 27/08/2012 12:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 3 523

Haunting

By right - 02/08/2013 14:08 - United Kingdom - Weymouth

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in The Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 708

You deserved it 8 236

Thanks for the support

By Unluckiest Guy of the group - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 398

You deserved it 5 113

By AloneForChristmas - 25/12/2018 16:00

Today, I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through, so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7 hours away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 770

You deserved it 240

Tiny Tim

By hmmmm - 13/08/2012 12:19 - Australia

Today, the condom slipped off, because my boyfriend refuses to admit that he needs to use smaller condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 373

You deserved it 5 490

That's a no, then?

By no new apartment for me - 18/07/2013 19:53 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 710

You deserved it 4 217

By quietdown - 30/05/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 059

You deserved it 4 768

By Heyy - 24/11/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 141

You deserved it 12 089

Three's the magic number

By Letdown - 23/02/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my wife for a threesome to spice up our sex life. Her exact response to me was, “The only threesome we should be having is between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” I'll take that as a “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 2 030

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 15:00

Today, I had a seizure, and as they were loading me into the ambulance, drooling on myself, I clearly heard my mother ask the ambulance crew if they’d mind swinging by the church on the way to the hospital, you know, in case it turns out I’m not sick, just possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 97

By Stuck - 08/09/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 340

You deserved it 67 848

You OK, dude?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "Beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 491

You deserved it 37 329

Desperate for D

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 30 906

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 778

You deserved it 7 183

Today, a few few friends, along with my long-time crush of mine came over to my house so we could finish a school project. As soon as he stepped into my house, he went pale, turned heel, and refused to step foot in my house. Why? Because the bison taxidermy above my fireplace scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 464

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs. The guy behind me was kind enough to ask if I was okay. He then called his friends over so they could laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 895

You deserved it 3 008

Today, I wondered why the cashiers at my local chip shop were being so unusually friendly and knocked money off my bill. Then when I got back to my boyfriend's house, I noticed my bright red bra shining through my black top like a light. I debuted my tits for some chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 592

Today, my sister and I checked into our cheap hotel in Brussels as part of our month-long Europe trip. At 11pm we awoke to the sound of a mouse chewing through a bag of food we'd bought. At 3am we awoke to bedbugs. We slept in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 078

You deserved it 3 866

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 561

You deserved it 2 807