The Top

Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 18:31 - United States - Springfield

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 882

You deserved it 1 905

Satisfaction

By thacupcakeassassin - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Shippensburg

Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 079

You deserved it 1 759

By nickorion12 - 28/06/2016 14:21 - United States - Shawnee

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up setting the kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 641

You deserved it 1 307

By CatHater - 27/04/2018 02:30 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I tried using a water gun to shoot the noisy cats who always fight near my window. I had it ready along with a bucket of water for quick reloads. I missed on the first try and got the floor wet, slipped, and dropped my phone in the water bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 316

You deserved it 5 142

By the bleeder - 13/05/2016 05:05

Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 363

You deserved it 1 466

She likes it!

By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/01/2020 20:00 - United States

Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 3 688

By K.S.S. - 17/04/2016 02:24 - United States - Rushville

Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners, and "sleepovers" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 520

You deserved it 4 316

By I hate my brother - 20/03/2016 18:53 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 2 019

By donguigeek - 24/12/2015 04:32 - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 443

You deserved it 1 969

By This guy - 21/02/2016 02:53 - United States - Jackson

Today, my teacher gave me a 0% on my personal narrative in my writing class. His only comment on the whole paper was, "Too long, didn't read." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 033

You deserved it 2 570

Social cues

By oblivious idiot - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 955

You deserved it 7 438

By Mia - 12/12/2018 17:00 - India - Mumbai

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 908

You deserved it 466

Happy New Year!

By anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Glenfield

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Year's party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 490

You deserved it 2 034

Look! Look!

By skinnydick - 19/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 042

You deserved it 1 132

By PheobeBuffay - 11/12/2015 18:14 - Norway - N?tter?y

Today, my mom made me go to church choir rehearsal with her so I could sing "the gay" out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 616

You deserved it 2 971

Noise annoys

By mandythepandy - 04/03/2017 04:00

Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 573

You deserved it 1 069

By Naofox - 29/03/2017 00:00

Today, I got frustrated looking for jobs and decided to take a quiz on best-fitting careers. My results speak for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 882

You deserved it 381

By CassyM - 03/04/2017 10:00 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my 2-year-old asked for cake, so I told her I would make her one. I showed her two boxes of cake and asked which one she wanted. She picked one and happily tried opening it. She'd thought a fully cooked cake is in the box. Ever tried explaining baking to a toddler? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 517

You deserved it 824

By Anonymous - 23/06/2017 21:00 - Argentina

Today, I chose a new song to be the ringtone for my new cell phone. After waiting all day for someone to call me, I had to ask my husband, who was sitting right next to me, to call me or send me a message so I could hear how it sounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 1 215

Oh Honey…

By And yes, he does also believe in the Illuminati. - 11/06/2017 22:00

Today, I learned that my new boyfriend seriously thinks that Inglorious Bastards is historically accurate and is actually the secret history of World War 2 being revealed to the public. Nothing I say will make him change his mind. I guess that relationship is a goner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 123

You deserved it 383

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 310

You deserved it 7 139

Today, in the absence of my god-daughter's parents, I went in their place to see her elementary school's principal. She apparently stood up to a known bully's violence and retaliated, sending said bully to the hospital. Not only she may be facing expulsion, I may get sued by the bully's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 020

You deserved it 231

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 773

You deserved it 5 010

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 013

You deserved it 12 803

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 203

You deserved it 4 510

Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 654

You deserved it 46 048