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Didn't realize this got posted! But her parents knew we were out drinking so it wasn't a big deal :) it was just really late, like 3 or 4 in the morning, so she figured they'd be asleep. Felt pretty stupid when I woke up!

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 543

You deserved it 3 246

By no - 08/12/2016 14:37 - United States - New York

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 903

You deserved it 973

By Lili - 27/06/2017 21:00 - France

Today, I got into a car accident. I hit a pole in the middle of the night trying to avoid a car that was coming at me head on. Actually, it was just the reflection of my own headlights in the windows of a bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 2 286

By Anonymous - 23/06/2017 04:00

Today, I asked my friend to hand in my homework for me since I have tonsillitis. She thought it would be funny to draw a big heart on it with my teacher's name inside, which she then handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 214

You deserved it 606

By ManderDander - 05/09/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 974

You deserved it 8 211

Stuck in a rut

By amandanoelle - 09/10/2016 06:42 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 651

You deserved it 1 788

Red handed

By grandpa porn - 28/08/2017 01:30

Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 761

You deserved it 383

By lonely-mind - 04/09/2017 16:00

Today, in Tennessee, it stormed like crazy due to Hurricane Harvey. I brought my boyfriend home safely to his parents' house, but it rained harder once we arrived, so I started to wait inside. He's an adult but has a curfew, so they kicked me back out into the storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 889

You deserved it 397

Sashay away!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2017 20:00

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 773

You deserved it 398

By RIPJarJar - 20/10/2017 22:18

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 652

You deserved it 502

By Anonymous - 23/01/2018 15:00

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 612

You deserved it 574

By Catnip - 30/06/2016 23:42 - Germany - Michelstadt

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, "Wow, so beautiful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 270

You deserved it 3 317

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom - Pontefract

Today, my mother, who has no life of her own, barged into my house and demanded to know why we hadn’t had kids yet after 6 months of marriage. She then hoovered the living room for a while, even though I did it yesterday, and only left after criticising my wife’s makeup and body weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 045

You deserved it 498

By Mimo - 23/06/2016 10:18 - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 661

You deserved it 2 037

Cheesy.

By freshflowerz - 16/03/2018 00:00 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve been home and my husband won’t stop referring to me as "cheddar puss". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 379

You deserved it 469

By wdones97 - 08/10/2018 14:00

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 2 929

By jimmy_morton - 26/01/2016 18:20 - United States

Today, my dad told my girlfriend that she's the son he never had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 845

You deserved it 2 262

célinelisie tells us more.

célinelisie 14

Thursday 28 January 2016 17:10

Hey it's the op, My dad loves to embarrass me and challenge my manhood because I'm his only son of 6 kids. He's done this all my life. He used to yell at me on the field during my football games calling me a pussy. He even told my senior drill instructor at my basic combat training graduation ceremony that he hoped my drill sergeant put hit foot up my ass every day that I was there. No I'm not gay. My dad just likes to mess with me. I've gotten used to it and I actually find it funny now.

By mee - 02/01/2016 08:25 - United States - Opelousas

Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 417

You deserved it 3 833

One can only hope

By sadgirl - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 545

By Anonymous - 02/11/2015 19:05 - United States - Rogers

Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were, "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 069

You deserved it 4 220

By Languages - 24/04/2017 09:58 - United States - Irving

Today, while eating in a Mexican restaurant, I asked the waitperson how the drink my husband ordered was pronounced in Spanish. She replied, "Vodka Martini." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 887

You deserved it 4 476

Exaspera tells us more.

Exaspera 54

Friday 21 April 2017 21:32

OP here. What a surprise, my first published FML! Being a Mexican restaurant, all of the employees there were Mexican. I try to keep up on my Spanish and wanted to know the translation. This one turned out to be rather easy to remember. Cheers!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2017 21:00 - France

Today, I went to the osteopath because I've been having knee pain. The verdict: I have arthritis. Last month, my hairdresser told me I was already starting to have white hairs too. I'm celebrating my 16th birthday in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 528

You deserved it 309