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And run I did! Well, not really, but I got out of there as fast as possible. I was too embarrassed about being stood up and being accused of watching kids to have a sharp wit and a good response. An excuse was mumbled and I got out of there! And 54, I wouldn't normally wait longer than a half hour at most, but I suppose I was pretty hopeful for this date!

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 910

You deserved it 5 764

By Bucks9 - 07/05/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 266

You deserved it 7 154

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 229

You deserved it 31 711

Technologically Challenged

By paper towel virgin - 24/05/2013 00:24 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 334

You deserved it 40 309

By smokin - 26/07/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 115

You deserved it 5 384

I helped!

By angelsaredicks - 11/09/2015 13:55 - United States - Morgantown

Today, I gave blood for the first time, since I'm a universal donor. After it was done, I passed out, woke up, puked, and passed out again. The kind nurses told me I was the worst case they had seen all week. So much for doing something to help others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 026

You deserved it 2 105

By siddance - 04/09/2015 18:08 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 917

You deserved it 3 545

Wankers

By Anonymous - 23/08/2016 08:38

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 266

You deserved it 2 913

Rekt

By Bubbah - 15/03/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I was working my job checking people in at the gym. A sweaty, chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied, "We like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said, "So how did you get the job?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 943

You deserved it 15 121

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 971

You deserved it 41 486

By Tomb Raider Wannabe - 18/02/2014 01:57 - Australia - Premer

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 954

You deserved it 43 953

By witchybaby89 - 26/05/2015 02:50 - United States

Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 144

You deserved it 3 785

witchybaby89 tells us more.

witchybaby89 16

Tuesday 26 May 2015 19:38

To answer a lot of questions, I'm a truck stop waitress not a prostitute or stripper. He's a truck driver who has been a faithful customer for two years and has been handsy before but never to this extent. I took the money to my manager and they're looking over video of the parking lot and my restaurant.

By me - 06/09/2009 21:33 - United States

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 661

You deserved it 4 318