The Top

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By Oh - 22/03/2016 22:36 - United States - Winterville

Today, I wrote my girlfriend a song. She wrote me a 13-page letter on why we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 028

You deserved it 2 209

Caught in 480p

By fxck - 04/02/2015 19:28

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumbs-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 498

You deserved it 3 589

Unattack dog

By woofwoof - 30/12/2014 04:17 - Turkey - Izmir

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 065

You deserved it 3 017

By okaythen6 - 09/12/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 5 074

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 083

You deserved it 16 346

Menace to society

By scared - 04/08/2014 00:47 - Canada

Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 124

You deserved it 3 072

Well done

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back, and lying about where he was was, out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 285

You deserved it 3 152

By xo007 - 04/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 795

You deserved it 3 747

By Anonymous - 25/06/2014 23:38 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, my boyfriend informed me of how I had really hurt his feelings. Apparently, not wanting to be sent a photo of his poop is hurtful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 020

You deserved it 5 900

By anime_love - 17/09/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 880

You deserved it 3 896

By timmynotjimmy - 28/10/2009 01:28 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 410

You deserved it 3 943

Fire hazard

By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - 26/08/2016 18:17 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 595

You deserved it 4 155

Rise and shine

By Noname - 18/03/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say, "Rise and shine, sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so I replied, "What time is it? When is this fucking class going to be over?" it wasn't my boyfriend talking. It was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 132

You deserved it 84 855

Irony at a base level

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 362

You deserved it 7 391

By even axe would smell better - 04/02/2014 18:55 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 668

You deserved it 3 627

By Omegared - 14/04/2011 22:12 - United States

Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 341

You deserved it 25 563

By pigtails - 16/01/2013 12:21 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 431

You deserved it 3 244

By BenFiggy - 21/04/2016 13:28 - United States - Brick

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 774

You deserved it 2 635

By fuck off, for real - 03/04/2016 13:26 - United States - Ft Mitchell

Today, my girlfriend dumped me by text for another man while I was at work. While I worked the drive-thru, a customer noticed me choking back my tears and said "I'd be cryin' too if I worked your dead-end job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 239

You deserved it 2 301

By Youdontneed2knowmyname - 05/02/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 894

You deserved it 26 674

Get away from me

By OhLovely - 01/11/2012 01:39 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 km away to get away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 202

You deserved it 1 948

Scaredy cat

By amazinghermit - 25/11/2014 04:21 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 203

You deserved it 6 588

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 356

You deserved it 2 782

By Ouch - 22/05/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 455

You deserved it 13 271

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 16:54 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 759

You deserved it 3 447

By Anonymous - 21/08/2014 17:39 - Canada - Barrie

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 531

You deserved it 3 816

By NowHomeless - 31/08/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 822

You deserved it 3 296

Good one, thanks

By FUCKFACECUNT - 02/08/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 704

You deserved it 2 397

By dntstopmenow - 14/03/2009 05:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was writing a very important email to my college professor. I went upstairs for something and came back down to send it. I later asked him today why he hadn't responded, to which he said, "I'm flattered… but can't." My roommate had added "love you xxx" at the end of the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 336

You deserved it 7 685

Rhythm section

By sad drummer - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - La Jolla

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 939

You deserved it 3 105

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The Top

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 633

You deserved it 3 899

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 459

You deserved it 3 896

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 702

You deserved it 2 124

Today, I had to explain to yet another person that I can't tie a knot. Even if someone walks me through the entire process, I never get it. The person in question berated me for not being able to perform such a "simple" task. I truly don't know what I'm doing wrong, and it makes me feel like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 365

Today, my ex-husband got married to my daughter. She’s 18, a high school dropout, and pregnant with his child. She strongly believes she’ll have a bright future with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 159

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 437

You deserved it 4 797