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OP here. If you really wanna know, he soaked them so they were slippery and put them in one at a time. He's got an inflation fetish and is really into butt stuff. The only reason he tells me all this stuff is because I'm one of the only people in his life that he can be totally TMI with. I'm trying to gently push him into talking about it more with his girlfriend, who's into some of the same things, and less with me. I have a strong stomach but I'm just sick of only ever talking about butt stuff! ?

By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - 05/01/2014 20:39 - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 096

You deserved it 4 973

By kkbb - 14/03/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I figured out it's the first time my roommate has done the dishes after living together an entire year, but I got to clean up the bubble waterfall that came pouring out of the dishwasher because she couldn't figure out where the detergent was supposed to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 545

You deserved it 2 584

I'm pissed

By lifestinks - 23/08/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walked under the newly-fixed pipes, I got soaked with what appeared to be water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement, so they made me work covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 426

You deserved it 2 373

Drugs are bad, mkay?

By real life problems - 18/06/2018 06:10

Today, I realized my girlfriend was taking my pain meds from my shoulder surgery. She says it shouldn't hurt after 2 days. I don't have any left and can't get a refill for a week. She took them just for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 070

You deserved it 453

real life problems tells us more.

real life problems 26

Friday 15 June 2018 22:04

OP here, yes of course i broke up with her over it, which she still thinks I'm over reacting to. I ended up calling for more pain pills but they wouldn't approve me any more that fast. I ended up just dealing with the pain on my own while being bitched out for being selfish.

By susan - 24/02/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 458

You deserved it 3 301

By LameChef - 10/03/2015 18:43 - Poland

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 194

You deserved it 5 040

By Anonymous - 29/01/2010 19:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 519

You deserved it 42 327

By loon - 28/10/2008 11:13 - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 883

You deserved it 9 807

By sadlrana121 - 10/01/2015 22:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 310

You deserved it 2 573

By snowbunny - 11/01/2011 02:03 - United States

Today, I got snowed in. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 2 923

By UnSupported - 14/08/2014 15:28 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 080

You deserved it 3 919

By unfriendlyskies - 02/04/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 315

You deserved it 2 120

By seriously though - 22/02/2014 05:48 - United States - Littleton

Today, I arrived at the airport only to find my suitcase was lost and my 3 weeks worth of clothes and supplies gone. All I had left was my wallet and carry ons. Upon leaving the airport I was mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 918

You deserved it 3 582

By duko3000 - 06/06/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 000

You deserved it 3 491

By dpap - 18/01/2013 23:03 - United States - Waukee

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 249

You deserved it 3 752

By troublewithbleach - 06/04/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 546

You deserved it 11 844

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 235

You deserved it 6 636

Sorry to disappoint you, but…

By Anonymous - 05/12/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 265

You deserved it 12 455

By joking0303 - 16/07/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 152

You deserved it 6 480

By dani911 - 15/07/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 723

You deserved it 37 389

The more you know

By Are you kidding me? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Kansas City

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 542

You deserved it 4 731

Nice

By mandiballz - 12/01/2010 06:46 - United States

Today, I was saying goodbye to my 5 year-old son before dropping him at my mom's, as I was leaving for two days, and told him I would miss him. He said, "l won't miss you, I never miss you when you are gone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 818

You deserved it 4 464

Not So Sweet Sixteen

By sadstorylifee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to admit to my parents that the reason I don't want a sixteenth birthday party isn't because I'm being spoiled and I expected my parents to take me on a lavish vacation, but because I don't have any friends to invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 958

You deserved it 4 829

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 140

You deserved it 5 299

Today, I learned that while I respectfully distanced myself from my female friends in the last two years of dating my girlfriend, as per her request, she has been making loads of new male friends on her "backup Snapchat." This includes guys from her work, or guys her girlfriends bring around her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 316

Today, like every day, I woke up at 3 in the morning because my roommate needs "a three hour warning" before his real alarm goes off. His alarm is a constant beeping noise which he always ignores for a good 10 minutes before finally getting up and turning it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 410

You deserved it 3 075

Today, I took my nephew to the roller rink and I broke not one arm but both. Now I can't even wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 590

You deserved it 1 791

Today, my neighbors threatened to sue me because a six-foot branch fell off one of my trees and into their yard, hitting nothing on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 235

You deserved it 238

Today, my husband and my mother's hatred of each other has got so bad, I wasn’t aware of why until now. She was his headmistress in high school, then they had an affair while he was at university, shortly before he met me at a Starbucks and dumped her without knowing I was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 98