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Okay this is my FML and to address everyones comments- yes the name candyman was thaught of and is used. And I can't believe only one person figured out that it's simply a midlife crisis issue. And yeah, I put it under kids for a reason. It is FML because I can't use it against him cuz he's too much of an ass. And for another reason that will be posted as another FML. Thank you and goodnight

By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, my family and I went over to our new neighbors' house, to sing a carol and say hello. The only response we got was a door slammed in our faces. FML

agreeclassic 13 493

vote type 1 32 043

By Loveless - 05/06/2011 12:23 - Canada

Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML

agreeclassic 57 544

vote type 1 8 216

Low blow

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 10:28 - United States

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. Five seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the Hacky Sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

agreeclassic 65 076

vote type 1 31 060

By toobad - 29/11/2011 19:29 - Canada

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

agreeclassic 42 408

vote type 1 4 031

By Jim - 28/03/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

agreeclassic 34 255

vote type 1 82 644

By wtfseriously - 09/05/2011 17:22 - United States

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

agreeclassic 8 453

vote type 1 78 579

Woah!

By Mel - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

agreeclassic 42 304

vote type 1 13 080

By knee pain - 09/12/2013 19:17 - United States

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

agreeclassic 73 120

vote type 1 4 038

Not an ally, then

By acorn - 08/08/2009 23:59 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

agreeclassic 48 833

vote type 1 7 836

By FFFFF- - 02/03/2011 17:12 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML

agreeclassic 57 136

vote type 1 5 195

By Ggirl - 01/10/2013 19:41 - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

agreeclassic 64 612

vote type 1 15 396

By Username - 08/10/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I learned the hard way that leaving eye drops in your car all day makes them scorching hot. FML

agreeclassic 14 307

vote type 1 40 965

By cheated - 11/03/2010 12:50 - Australia

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

agreeclassic 41 302

vote type 1 4 550

Poke-baller

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 07:10 - United States - Marion

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

agreeclassic 61 042

vote type 1 70 254

By handyman13 - 25/07/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, I found out that I have a warrant for my arrest, because I was fishing without a fishing license. FML

agreeclassic 21 938

vote type 1 34 198

By tattooooooface - 28/01/2010 13:08 - United States

Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML

agreeclassic 15 617

vote type 1 39 752

By May - 04/09/2011 04:08 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

agreeclassic 44 829

vote type 1 6 267

Vicious circle

By nicklesg - 23/06/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

agreeclassic 57 569

vote type 1 14 519

By brokenbabe - 22/06/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I decided I was done waiting for my boyfriend to ask me to marry him, so we were cuddling in his bed and I asked him. He asked for a rain check. FML

agreeclassic 36 121

vote type 1 15 103

brokenbabe app_comment_confession_title

brokenbabe 5

Sunday 26 June 2011 9:29

I am the OP. my boyfriend and i havent had sex. Thats the first thing. We've been together 3 years. He has promised we are getting married since fall 2010. He said like this summer. I did not leave him. I am just mad at him